Selfish
by mmsinful
Summary: Bella left everything behind for her husband the moment she married young. Now, as the years have gone by and her life has become a cycle of regret, she decides to finally be selfish and love herself instead. Drabble fic. Rated M. No heavy angst. E/B
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Stephanie owns everything Twilight... I own nothing.

**A/N:** Hello, Welcome! This drabble fic, meaning short chapters and to the point, are meant as a distraction and break from my other stories... Taken, the very heavy material, and Haven filled with zombies. I will upload at least a chapter daily until this story finishes...you guys might get more than one chapter depending on how it's received. I have already written at least 8 chapters so I will upload 3 tonight. Enjoy and don't forget to leave a review!

** Selfish 1 **

My life can't possibly be just this...this...

Monotone...

Day in, day out...everything is the same.

Get up, shower, cook breakfast, say goodbye to you, clean the house, cook dinner, wait for you to come home, and then...

Sex.

Boring Sex.

Where is the pounding? The instinct to grab his hair...

Scream his name...

Scream any name...

I don't know how much longer I can do this...

Does he?

Oh, he's home...


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight...I own nothing.

A/N: Thanks so much for adding the story in to alerts. One more tonight after this one. Leave me a review. We'll find out who He is next chapter. Thanks.

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><p>Selfish 2<p>

He approaches me with the confidence of a man who doesn't know there is something wrong.

Why doesn't he know?

How can he ignore the way my arms remain limp at my sides?

How can he ignore the way my head turns away when he tries to kiss me?

"I missed you, babe," he says.

"Food's ready," I reply.

And yet, he smiles as he takes his seat.

My ritual continues...

Serve food, eat, pretend to listen to him talk about his day...

Or at least, I used to.

Now, I just stare out the window and wonder what the neighbors are doing.

But he doesn't notice that either.

Because just as his world remains perfect...

Mine has been in shambles for far too long.

"Food was delicious, babe," he compliments.

"Mmm," I acknowledge.

I'm too lazy say thank you.

Or better yet,

Fuck you!

No...

Fuck _me_!

Please!

So I just sigh...


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie owns everything Twilight... I own nothing.

**A/N:** Well, this is the last chapter for tonight. Remember, this is a drabble fic...short chapters. They are mean to be in this format with scattered thoughts. Don't forget to leave a review. Until tomorrow.

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><p><strong> Selfish 3 <strong>

His kisses are sweet...

Too, sweet.

His touches are soft...

Too, soft.

I lay spread and bare before him...

My head is still turned towards a window...

A different window...

One I know belongs to a woman who gets properly fucked every other night...

Because on the nights she's not, it's someone else.

He moans my name in a soft whisper...

I roll my hips to urge him on...

I'm so tired...

_Please finish..._

Instead he pauses to brush the hair out of my face...

My still dry face, with no perspiration to indicate anything was done.

"You're so pretty," he sighs.

_Pretty?_

_I'm pretty!_

Since when did I turn into a little fucking girl that needs to be called pretty?

"Are you almost done?" I ask, my voice sounding vacant.

He startles. "Uh, what about you?"

"I already came a while ago."

"Oh, well in that case..."

He continues his slow pace, making love he calls it.

Whatever, I didn't lie...

I already came...

To my senses that is.

I can't do this anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight...I own nothing.

A/N: Thanks so much for adding the story in to alerts. One more tonight after this one. Leave me a review. We'll find out who He is next chapter. Thanks.

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><p><strong>Selfish 4<strong>

He rolls off me, but not before gently kissing my cheek.

"Thank you. There are no words."

"Thank you," I reply.

For getting off me.

I climb quickly off the bed and hurry to take a shower.

This is the new ritual, the one where I wash everything off me...

Him off of me.

The smell, the sweat that dripped off him...everything.

When I return, he's already asleep.

Good...I don't have to pretend to be asleep while he cuddles me and I wait for his breaths to even out before I finally push him off me.

I'm lucky tonight.

I walk to the window, and there they are, still fucking.

I want that...so badly. At this point, I'm willing to say yes next time he asks me.

I'm tempted to just pull down my panties and bend over the sofa.

I tried that with him one time...

That was a disaster.

A disaster that had me meeting with the pastor the next day for my wanton behavior.

Don't men want ladies in the streets but have them act as freaks in the sheets?

At least, that's what the television says.

Who knows... the TV has been my only companion for so long.

I can't exactly ask it for advice.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight... I own the books.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and alerts. This was going to be the last chapter for tonight... but I'll go ahead and give you one more... just cause you guys are awesome. Don't forget to leave me a review.

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><p>Selfish 5<p>

I'm doing something I haven't done before.

I'm sweating fucking bullets... the kind that run down your neck.

My hands are shaking... my breaths are coming in pants...

Just one flick...

Just a little more pressure on that little button...

_I can't do it..._

_No! I have to finish..._

_It's either this... or … or... back to everyday normal._

_Fuck it! _

I quickly flick the button with barely any pressure at all...

And now...

I'm one of the many faces in Facebook.

And just like that, I have integrated myself in the world of the living.

It's scary... this thing... how easy it is to track down people.

Yet, I'm relieved because in a way...I've proven to myself that I can be a little social... a little adventurous.

_Look at me, being adventurous for being on Facebook... fuck my life... Yeah Me!_

By the end of the day I have over 39 friend requests...

It's overwhelming... how some people want to be my friend just because they're the friend of our friend...

Yeah, confusing.

I don't accept them all... baby steps I remind myself.

I only accept two... Alice McCarty, and Rosalie Whitlock.

And I, Isabella …. Bella, am ready to live...

If only just a little.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns everything Twilight... I own the books.

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><p><strong>Selfish 6<strong>

For the first time in my life, I feel...

Happy? No...

Content? I think so...

Pressing that little flicker of a button has brought me in to a world I didn't know I could have.

I met with Alice and Rosalie over at a corner coffee shop.

The coffee shop is very hidden inside a book store.

Not many people go there... only the real book lovers.

Or just those that are smart enough to know where to hide...

Like us.

Alice has been married for pretty much as long as I have been... 7 years.

Rosalie on the other hand, has refused to marry Jasper, deciding to live in sin instead.

We talked, we laughed, we cried... and there might have been a slap involved along the conversation...

It's okay, it just means we've picked up from where we left off.

"You've got to leave him," Alice keeps insisting.

"Yeah," mumbles Rosalie around the food in her mouth. "What she said."

"I can't just up and leave after being married so long," I explain.

"And that's the problem, you have been with him so long. It's time to move on," continues Alice.

Somehow along the way, I get the impression that she isn't talking about me anymore.

And somehow, along the way —might have been during the time that Rosalie showed me a picture of her Jasper — is when I get the impression that Alice is doing somethings she's not supposed to...

Or someone...

"Where's the Bella that had plans of traveling and whoring herself to rich men," mumbles Rosalie after taking another bite of her muffin.

Well, that's easy to answer...

That Bella is buried deep in the caverns of domesticated Bella, who stays home where she cooks, cleans, and looks pretty while he makes love to her.

"I'm still me," I defend myself.

"Well then... you shouldn't have a problem leaving him."

One meeting turns in to two...

And two turns into a daily occurrence.

It seems I'm the the only one who has just discovered facebook either.

Tonight is _the night._

The bills are paid.

The house is completely clean... squeaky clean.

His favorite dish is warm in the oven.

My bag is packed and hidden in the storage closet by the bathroom.

The divorce papers are signed and ready to be presented to him.

All I'm waiting is for him to come home...

And for me to find the courage.

He walks in and just like always kisses my cheek.

Again, he doesn't notice.

We sit down and he begins to eat.

He goes on and on about his work... I continue to pretend to listen.

I've lost the courage... I can't do this to him...

"I have a surprise for you baby," he says excitadely.

I wait and smile, my heart continuing to melt.

He hands over a new cook book... _100 Different Ways to Cook Fish..._

And just like that...

My heart freezes to where I need it to freeze.

"I have something for you," I reply, ignoring his outstretched hand and place my envelope over his gift.

"I can't do this anymore..."

He's frozen...

I'm not...

"Carlisle... I want a divorce."

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><p>AN: Yes, it's Carlisle. Before you all go crazy on me... Carlisle is not much older than Bella... human age that is. Bella is now 25 years old and Carlisle is now 30. She would of never hooked up with Jacob, he's too immature, and that goes for the high school gang. Had she met a human Carlisle, I really believe it would have led to something... considering there is no Esme at the time. Remember people, Bella is mature for her age and she was somewhat attracted to Carlisle in the books. No other characters were described in the way that Edward and Carlisle were at first glance. Anywho, until tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight... I own nothing.**

**A/N: Thanks so much for the alerts and reviews... I'm happy I didn't get backlash for the pairings. I thought I'd change things a little. Plus, not everything goes the right way for everyone. **

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><p><strong>Selfish 7<strong>

1, 2, 3, 4...

53, 54, 55, 56...

His staring is starting to be really borderline creepy.

I would have thought that he looked dead... all pale and eyes wide open...

If it wasn't for the way his mouth keeps opening and closing... opening and closing.

"Well, are you going to say something... anything or what?" I ask, my tone sounding more harsh than I meant for it to be.

"D-d-di-divorce," he whispers.

Y-y-yes... finally. At least stuttering is a step closer to talking.

"Yes, Carlisle. I want a divorce. These are the papers waiting for your signature. I hum..."

And this is where I start to second guess everything.

Which is why I am still married after seven years.

"Why?"

Oh, no! Not the teary eyes... Please don't let them roll down...

And there they go... Fuck!

I approach him and lower myself to my knees, and just because I'm very sexually deprived...

I contemplate giving him an impromptu blow job...

If I can just pull the zipper down and show him what I want...

What I need...

No, no, no... divorce... divorce... divorce...

Must... stay... strong...


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all Twilight things... I own this plot bunny.

A/N: One more chapter after this.

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><p><strong>Selfish 8<strong>

Must stay strong my ass.

I should have chanted... _must not give in._

I told him... Everything.

What I am missing, my desires, wants, hopes... everything.

He says he'll try harder, that our relationship is worth a second chance.

And when I hesitate, he says, "How can you just give up on us without even trying? Can you really move on knowing that you didn't give this... me a chance."

I hesitate to answer him, but then... after thinking it over his words, I feel guilty.

Damn it!

I don't want to feel guilt, I don't want to feel much of anything else other than relief.

But if I do leave, is that what I will really feel... relief?

He's been wonderful... save for the safe sex.

And maybe I'm the problem.

The one that's not really trying at all.

That feeling in my gut that kept me spurred on the mission has suddenly become so meek that I'm wondering what stupid mistake I can be making.

"Please, Baby. Let me try to make you feel good. Let me try to make us good."

And later that night...

He keeps his promise.

I see stars


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight... I own this fic. **

**A/N: Well, this is the last chapter for tonight. Please leave me your thoughts. Tell me... how many of you have felt like Bella does in this situation?**

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><p><strong>Selfish 9<strong>

"So, what... you just took him just like that?" comments Rosalie.

Once again I'm meeting with my friends.

They have become a lifeline of sorts... and I'm not willing to cut them loose.

Not again.

Once again, Alice is staring off into space, or more precisely, Rosalie's opened wallet that's coincidently showing her Jasper.

And Rosalie... she's eating again.

And yes, I took him back, because he was right.

I wouldn't have been able to move forward knowing that I didn't try once more.

But if this try out fails. I'm out.

For sure.

I swear

"Yes. I have to try, you know. If it doesn't work out, then I'm out."

"If you say so," she says.

Alice continues to be in her daze.

Rosalie continues to eat.

I begin to wonder if facebook was fucking worth it.

When I come home from the grocery store, I am shocked.

The house is filled with roses.

Everywhere.

Carlisle is dressed in a tux... holding more flowers.

The smell is so overwhelming. Very much so.

There is the smell from the cleaning products, the dinner he has served on the dinning table, and the flowers.

I want to gag... I smile instead.

This was so not what I had in mind.

I don't want romance damn it!

I want him to bend me on his knee and slap my ass.

Call me a slut.

Fuck me hard.

Look at another girl's ass for fuck's sake. I do.

Is that wrong? No! I can appreciate the female anatomy for what it is.

Why can't he.

Maybe if I strip down and get on all fours he'll get the message.

Or call a priest.

All I know... is that this is not the second chance I want.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all Twilight. I own nothing.**

**A/N: More chapters later on today.**

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><p><strong>Selfish 10<strong>

I get through the night with a smile on my face.

Confused feelings are not a good thing.

How can he not be a good thing?

Flowers, dinner, tux...

I remember thinking you were the best thing in the world every time he wore a tux.

And now...

Hesitation?

But for what?

I have never felt inadequate in my life before as I do right at this moment.

Here he is, being romantic and what most woman would crucify for to take my place...

And here I am taking it for granted.

I hope I don't scar him for life.

I hope he can move on and find someone who will appreciate him for who he is and not for who he's trying to be.

I am so sorry.

But this time,

It's really me.

Not you.

And perhaps the greatest gift is the one I left for you in the morning.

The divorce papers on my cold side of the bed.

I'm sorry.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight... I own nothing.**

**A/N: So this story hasn't gotten as many reviews, but then I remembered why I write... for me. So thank you anyways to those of you who have reviewed. More posting tomorrow.**

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><p><strong>Selfish 11<strong>

We girls continue to meet up for coffee in the book store.

They have become an integral part of my life.

One would think that just because I got what I wanted, that I'm happy.

I've found that feeling happy has been far from the truth.

After the feeling of accomplishment, I've been left with the feeling of guilt.

Guilt never comes alone...no.

Guilt always comes with sadness, frustration, and doubt.

I can count at least four times during the last five hours where the girls have had to stop me from going back to Carlisle.

Carlisle.

He's been calling non-stop since seven in the morning, the time he usually gets up.

My voicemail has been flooded with messages, and if those have not been enough... he has also been calling family.

It is one thing for them to know that we are separated...

But to involve them, more specifically my mother, well that just crossed the land of no no.

"Isabella Cullen. You better call me back and tell me why in the world you would leave that man."

"Isabella Cullen, how can you be so irresponsible?"

"Isabella Cullen, stop acting like a commoner whore and get back to your husband."

"Isabella Cullen! Call me back this instant!"

Isabella Cullen... Isabella Cullen...Isabella Cullen...

When did I just stop being Isabella... Bella the daughter?

Bella the person.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things twilight. I own nothing.**

**A/N: More chapters to come later...**

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><p><strong>Selfish 12<strong>

"Baby, please... This is ridiculous. You can't possibly sit there and tell me that the last seven years mean nothing to you."

And that is where the problem lies.

I can't say that the last ten years mean nothing, because then I would be lying.

But if I say that they do mean something, than that will give him a reason for us to continue to stay together.

That, I can not allow.

"I am not going to explain things to you again," I say, exasperated.

"See! You can't even say that they don't. I know you still love me. This is just a rough patch that married couples go through. Please... think about it. I love you. I know you still love me."

And this, is where I can actually say the truth without giving hope.

"I don't," I simply say. Harsh, but true, none the less.

He stares at me with a look of shock, as if what I just told him is an extravagant equation, something incomprehensible.

"You can't mean that..." he trails off.

"Carlisle, what more do you want me to say? We married young, me straight out of high school. And maybe that's the problem. We haven't experienced life because we have been too caught up playing house. I'm sorry, but I just can't continue living like this. I need to leave and explore things, leave this town, this life, leave you. I just don't feel for you the way I did many years ago. I don't regret our time together, not at all, but... I need to move on and so do you. I am sorry."

And on that note, I sign my married life away...

Again, and push the divorce papers to him across the table.

He looks at me, begging one last time with his eyes for this to be a nightmare, which to him it is.

But this is my freedom...

And I am not willing to let that go.

I see the moment it finally dawns on him, that this is real.

He finally signs the papers...

Resigned.

_Finally_, I think to myself.

_I am free and_... and now what?


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** Stephanie owns everything Twilight... I own nothing.

**A/N:** This drabble fic, meaning short chapters and to the point, are meant as a distraction and break from my other stories. Two more updates coming on later on today. But for right now, will you guys review?

Question for the chapter: What would be the first thing you would do after getting divorced?

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><p>Selfish 13<p>

I walk out of my lawyer's office a new woman.

I am now Isabella Marie Cul...

Swan.

Isabella Marie Swan...

Beautifu...

Liberating...

Fucking awesome...

It's still going to take some time to get used to, though.

And then it hits me...

I'm a twenty-five year old divorcee.

Ready to take on the world...

Yey me!

It's weird being "free."

At twenty-five, I expected myself to be fighting my way through the corporate ladder...

Or maybe even traveling and whoring myself to rich guys like Rosalie said.

Instead, I'm a twenty-five year old trying to figure out where I'm going to live.

All of our assets are to be sold so that the money can be divided down evenly.

I care about how much I will get...

Because who ever says that they don't care about the money...

They're lying through their ass...

This money is going to help me get on my feet...

Help me survive.

But for now...

I'm going out to celebrate.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.**

**A/N: One more for later on tonight. **

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><p><strong><span>Selfish 14<span>**

The party scene is crazy...

The women are slutty...

The men are super whores...

And I'm just going with it...

And so are Rose and Alice.

Because apparently, I need the moral support only they can provide...

Yeah, I called bullshit on that one quickly.

While Rosalie takes shot after shot,

Alice keeps disappearing to the bathroom.

Me?

I look around, observe... a lot.

I feel like a small fish in sea of sharks...

Sharks that bump and grind with anything that moves.

At some point in the night, I swear that I see guy on guy and girl on girl action.

Either that, or I have very strong wishful thinking.

After Rosalie finishes her fourth Mud Slide, and Alice has been gone for the last fifteen minutes...

I excuse myself to wander around.

I love the girls, but even I need a little break from them.

Passing through the throngs of sweaty limbs is impossible.

So I begin to bump and grind like the rest...

Lo and behold, the throngs of limbs become easy to pass through.

A few guys, or girls, get a little handsy... but it's okay, cause I'm single.

I make it to the bathroom where there is a long line of girls waiting to enter.

While some are slumped on the floor from too much alcohol, most are pissed as they wait.

Either way, I don't see Alice anywhere in line.

"What's the with the long wait," I ask the red head in front of me.

She huffs in exasperation and says, "Some girl is in there fucking someone. Sounds good by the sounds of it, but really? Like, do they really have to do it in the bathroom? It's like so eww."

After waiting a while longer, I can no longer hold in, I have to pee badly.

Fucking or not, I'm coming in.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing. **

**A/N: This story finally has an awesome banner made by the very talented Christine. Her information is on my homepage.**

**She makes awesome work so go check it out. This is the last chapter of the night so leave me a review.**

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><p><strong>Selfish 15<strong>

I almost expect to get dirty looks, or even a few cuss words as I bypass the line of drunken girls.

Instead, they look at me and giggle.

_Whatever, giggle it up bitches, I'm the one that's gonna get to piss. _

I open the door slightly and announce that I'm coming in whether they are finished or not.

Five seconds later I'm walk through the door and directly to one of the stalls, furthest from the banging noise.

Loud moans, groans, sighs of ecstasy drown out any noise coming from me.

_Just ignore the nasty... ignore the nasty... the nasty-hot-sweaty sex..._

As if the vocals are not enough, the pounding increases and much to my horror, I realize that they are right next to me.

The banging gets harder and harder that it accidentally dislodges the toilet paper from it's dainty holder.

_OH MY GOD! Not happening, not happening_, I chant as I watch the paper roll down to their stall.

I contemplate just leaving without cleaning, but really...

Sitting down the rest of the night with a dirty cooch is not going to happen.

I try to feel for the roll blindly but as soon as my fingers brush against clothing, I snatch my arm away.

I clear my throat in hopes that they will finish soon.

They continue and I go ignored.

_Yeah, right... I would ignore everyone too if it meant I was the one groaning like that!_

Curiosity gets the better of me.

I want to see the guy, and maybe the girl, too.

I want to see the lovers in action, see who I'm jealous of.

Resigned, I pull up my panties and fix my dress.

I carefully stand on the rim of the toilet bowl and quietly look over the divider wall.

First thing I see is black, bouncy spiky hair.

_Alice_... without a doubt. Only confirmed when I recognize the shirt under her tits.

The guy has her against the other wall now, so I can see the pure bliss on Alice's face.

Second thing I notice...

The dude does not look like the Emmett in her pictures.

In fact, he resembles the blond Jasper from Rosalie's pictures...

Aghast that she would be doing this to our best friend, I yell her name.

"Alice! How could you?"

Panic crosses her eyes as the guy dumps her on the ground.

_Good, she deserves it..._

But when the douche turns around to glare at me...

His face panics, too.

"What the fuck!"

_Carlisle_...


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: One more chapter tonight.

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><p><strong>Selfish 16<strong>

I stare

She stares

You stare...panic... and probably shit your pants...I don't know

She begins to fumble...

"Carlisle? Carlisle? Oh my god! You said your name was Steve!"

I stare

And yeah... I continue to stare.

I'm pissed... like never before... How could you betray me like this Alice, whether you knew who he was or not... I don't think I can see you, talk to you... not now.

And him... How could he fuck you like that?

Everything I fought for and was denied is given to the first...

First...

Whore!

To the first floozy he finds on a bathroom stall.

I hate you and I really hate him right now.

But if there is one thing that is glaringly obvious,

Is that the divorce was the best fucking decision of my life.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns everything Twilight. I own nothing but weird imagination. **

**A/N: This chapter's format is somewhat different. It's intended to be that way. More updates tomorrow. New question for the chapter: Should Bella forgive Alice?**

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><p><strong>Selfish 17<strong>

"You have – fifty...six- new messages. To hear your messages... press one now..."

_Yeah, yeah, yeah_

"To hear the next message... press two now..."

_Shit, stupid technology..._

"To erase your messages... press three now..."

_Yes!_

**Later that night... The following is a moment that was never to be spoken of again...**

Rosalie: chews a large bite from her burger. "Can't believe she would fuck in a bathroom."

Bella: takes a chug from Patron and grimaces. "Yeah, can't believe he can actually fuck anything."

Rosalie: "You know... Alice probably knew it was him. I mean, how many blond doctors do you know of in this town."

Bella: "She called him... Steven... Stephen... who cares. I don't get it..."

Jasper: takes bottle away from Bella and drinks... "You guys are wasted."

Bella: takes a new bottle from the table. "Yeah, well I need it. You know, I thought it was you she was doing the nasty with."

Jasper: looks surprised and chuckles. "I don't think so. I would never go at it in a bathroom... do you know how many germs are just floating in the air? No thanks."

Rosalie: continues to eat and looks at Jasper closely. "Would you do her though? Alice, I mean."

Bella: stares back and forth between Jasper and Rosalie, chugs more Patron.

Jasper: thinks it over while drinking longer pulls. "Maybe... if we didn't have this arrangement... maybe."

Bella: cocks her head to the side. "Arrangement?"

Rosalie: smirks and puts down her burger. "Yeah... you didn't think Jasper was my boyfriend did you? He's my fuck buddy, scratches my itches, smooths and soothes... oh, and pretends to be a boyfriend when times calls for... like family reunions."

Jasper: smirks. "I like family reunions, I'm all kinds of fun."

Bella: has her mouth hanging open. "Wait... wait... huh?"

Jasper: quirks an eyebrow. "Do you have an itch that needs to be scratched?"

Rosalie: leans over Bella. "Do you? Do you want Jasper to scratch your itch Bella? Do you want to know what you're missing out on?" she leans away and returns to her burger.

Bella: looks over at Jasper. She's excited, scared, eager, more scared and finally determined. "Yeah, I'm itchy... all over."


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing. **

**A/N: You know the drill, more updates tomorrow. **

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><p><strong>Selfish 18<strong>

So much hurt...

So much light...

But the pounding, is worst than all of the above.

Why, why did I ever think that alcohol was a good idea?

I swear there are little people all around me.

There are so many bright lights and nothing makes sense.

Alice in wonderland has nothing on me.

And with that thought... my fucking mood plummets even more.

Okay then...

Snow white has nothing on me.

I could probably teach her a thing or two on little pounding, annoying people.

When I move my right leg slightly, I feel a warm, hairy leg next to mine.

And just like that...

My mood lifts to the heavens.

Jasper, Jasper, Jasper...

Why are there no temples that worship his body?

Or seminars that teach men what this man knows... does...

Oh God!

Yeah... things worth remembering... others not...

Like when Rosalie joined in, too.

Or when Carlisle and Alice both arrived...

That wasn't good either.

But when Jasper and I resumed the gymnastics...

Well... that made everything else disappear.

And then...

Then...

What the hell?

My left hand brushes against something...

Someone warm.

Oh. My. God!

Okay, okay... it's hairy...

That's good... it means it's not Rosalie...

I don't want to look

But fuck if I'm not curious.

What am I forgetting?

Don't look!

I want to look... take a small peak...

It's not like I'm committing a crime by peaking...

The deed's been done...

I turn my head to my left...

Bright blue eyes stare back at mine.

He's... well...

He's all man...

" 'Bout time you woke up. I'm hungry, and if you're still itchy, I can take care of that, too."

An just like that...

My mood goes back to hell.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing.**

**A/N: Okay, so in this chapter there are mentions of certain people who knock on doors on Sunday to talk about religion. My friend does this, and what Bella says about it, he knows. I tell him the same thing while he just shakes his head. No harm intended. Next chapter tomorrow.**

* * *

><p><strong>Selfish 19<strong>

"Who are you?" I ask.

I think it's only right that I know his name, too.

"Oh, don't tell me you don't remember my name. You only screamed it a couple of times."

He winks...

And it seriously does not ring any bells, or memories...

Or even stirs down below.

No reaction other than making me wonder if I faked it with him.

Because that I can do...

I'm good at faking orgasms.

"If I recall correctly, you do are very flexible," he comments easily.

The blood drains from my face...

To... I don't know where, but it drains damn it.

A loud voice from the doorway cuts through the embarrassment.

"Cut it out Emmett, and come finish cooking my breakfast."

Thank you Rosalie.

Long after that embarrassing encounter, is when I learn what really happened the night before.

We got drunk after the whole club fiasco.

I found out about Rosalie and Jasper's arrangement.

Jasper and I continued the party in my room where apparently I'm an excellent contortionist.

Carlisle and Alice arrived together during said display and there might have been threats...or knives involved, according to Rosalie.

Emmett arrived then, and with the help of Rosalie, were both able to get rid of Carlisle and cheating Alice.

Alice had confessed her cheating to Emmett and he found my new address deciding I might need a friend.

I don't know, sounds bull shit to me...

"That's just about the time you kept chanting that you were itchy and asked me to scratch you..." Emmett says with a laugh.

"More like began crawling on all fours and basically spread body fluids all over the place," Rosalie says, no laugh anywhere in sight.

And that's it... they say.

But I remember Rosalie with me and Jasper...

She says it must have been when she came to warn us of the cheaters.

But I don't remember Emmett... but that's because Jasper and I were too hammered to do anything but fuck like hobos he says.

I am mortified while Jasper looks pleased.

He shouldn't, cause other than a few things, I don't really remember anything.

A knock on the door makes everyone jump.

No one moves...

It could be Carlisle or Alice...

Last thing I want is crying from Carlisle and pleads from Alice.

I can't forgive her, not now anyways.

And Carlisle... well, no comment there.

No one makes any noise, if they can't hear us, no one is home.

Just like every Sunday when church people used to knock on my door.

Don't make any noise...

And just when I think that they are finally gone...

Emmett farts... loud... loud as in these walls are not thick enough to disguise that sound.

Everything goes into fast motion as everyone screams and jumps away from a laughing Emmett.

"I'm sorry...I can't stop them..." he says, his words just barely coherent.

The sound obviously alerted the people or our presence... the knocking continues.

With a resigned sigh, I steel my nerves to finally let it all out.

I can't hold anything in anymore.

Fuck the old pushover Bella who played wife.

Fuck the old pushover Bella who just spread her legs like the dead.

And fuck the old Bella whose friends were still questionable.

I wrench the door open...

Fist highly raised...

I'm ready...

Ready to bring a bitch down...

Tear a new asshole...

But when I open the door...

I see green eyes...

And nothing else matters.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things twilight.

A/N: One more chapter after this for tonight.

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><p>Selfish 20<p>

Green...

Green is life...

It is prosperous...

It means fertility...

It means...

"Fertility?" he asks, fighting back a smirk. "I've been told my eyes are pretty... but prosperous, fertility...that is news to me."

Oh. My. God!

He heard me?

"Yeah." The smirk he was fighting is now full blown on his beautiful face. "And you're still talking pretty loud."

I cover my mouth before I say anything more incriminating, embarrassing.

I feel the heavy blush, you know... the one so strong your eyes basically water.

His smile fades. "I didn't mean to embarrass you, or make you cry. I'm sorry. Here let me start all over."

And that's when I stop listening to what he's saying and only listen to the tenor of his voice.

His voice is deep, manly, sexy, smooth like a practiced phone sex operator.

He's still talking and I'm still not listening.

His mouth is full, pouty... and the way it forms with certain letters has me imagining it pouting while doing other things.

Things to my body.

His mouth stops moving and his heavy brows pucker in confusion.

Why? I don't know. But a man like him should never have any other expression other than an 'I'm coming face' on.

He's staring at me, silent.

Should I say something? Introduce myself and hope that my verbal diarrhea is forgotten.

My, God! Okay, Okay... My name is Bella Cu... Swan, and I like it rough.

Yeah, that will change his expression alright.

"Bella!" screams Rosalie in my ear.

"Aahhh! Why you do that for?"

I tap my ear, hoping my soon to be ex-friend didn't do any permanent damage.

Testing... testing.. 1,2,3. I continue to tap my ear and glare at her.

She and everyone else laugh, including green-eyes.

"He's asking if you are Bella," she says.

"Of course I'm Bella," I answer.

"Well, yes and duh. But he didn't know that."

Whatever, I'm bitchy, still kind of drunk, very hungover, disappointed I don't remember much, and super horny at the moment.

I'm going through shit, damn it!

"Bella." Jasper calls my attention. "This man here is named Anthony Masen and he says he's here to talk to you about Carlisle."

Carlisle?

What about Carlisle?

I straighten to my full height, which isn't much to start with, but that isn't my fault.

"What about him?" My tone comes off somewhat clipped.

"Well, as I was saying a few moments ago, I came here on his behalf. You see, everything that happened last night was my fault... everything. I encouraged him to go after the sprite in celebration of his recent divorce... we were trying to distract him but then you happened and... yeah. I'm sorry."

So...

He knows Carlisle...

And it's his fault that Carlisle fucked Alice the way I'd been trying to get him to do me...

And he's here to apologize?

Where the hell was he a few months back?


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things twilight.

A/N: Please leave a review and don't forget to check out the lemonade stand, they have awesome recommendations.

* * *

><p>Selfish 21<p>

Carlisle... Carlisle... Carlisle...

Has become the bane of my existence.

Completely.

In the months that have gone by...

Two of them.

I've heard about that man more than when I lived with him.

Another bane has come in the name of Anthony Masen.

That man is unstoppable.

He is determined, infuriating, sexy, and such a goddamn mad man.

He has made it his lifetime goal to mend my broken marriage.

Yeah... not happening, no matter how desperate I become.

Everywhere I go, Anthony appears, ready with the latest news about Carlisle... how he's doing this, and he's doing that, oh and he's so wonderful and so devoted and he still loves me and he blah... blah... blah..

BLAH!

But does Anthony listen... No!

He just goes on and on...

Come on... even when I feel guilty I don't take extremes to fix my problems.

Another issue has come in the name of Alice.

The three stooges, formerly known as Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett...

Have concluded that Anthony and Alice are double teaming me...

Earning them the nickname of Double Time.

I didn't think it was funny, especially when it was me that is being followed.

Those two have become a fixture in my life... but even other things have also changed.

As far as Rosalie and Jasper's arrangement goes, it has been cancelled due to Emmett.

Emmett and Rosalie have decided to try being fuck buddies... he is dealing with a divorce and she is a marriage phobic.

Jasper and I have not had a repeat of whatever happened that night... nor have we had any urges.

Well, I have had urges... just not with him.

All my urges are centered on a piece of meat named Anthony.

A piece of meat who I feel following me about 20 feet behind.

He thinks he's sneaky... but after all this time, I swear I can smell and feel him a mile away.

I walk inside the bookstore and walk directly to the romance section.

No matter how much I love the classics, they just don't do it for me all the time.

I stop and look at the cover of a few books... knowing that he's on the other isle pretending to browse the books.

I continue my exploration and stop when I find a book with a Fabio look-alike holding a svelte blond girl with her huge chest pressed tightly against his... both their long hair blowing in the wind.

_Figures, she's a blond with huge tits he's holding..._

"Bella, what a surprise to see you here," he says.

Having caught me by surprise, I jump at the sudden closeness of his voice and shield the cover from his gaze by placing it on my chest.

"Yeah, big surprise, huh?" I reply sarcastically.

He has the decency to seem bashful, but regardless, he continues on with the unwanted news. "So, I went to work yesterday..."

Yeah... blah... blah... blah...

_Gosh, those pretty lips just make the cutest expressions..._

"...and then Carlisle..."

Blah... blah... blah...

_Maybe if I just pretend to trip and accidently land my lips on his lips he'll shut up, or... I can pretend to almost die and need mouth to mouth..._

"... so, what do you think?"

_Well, Anthony, I think your lips alone are fuckable, but I'm sure that's not what you asked._

"Think about what?" I clear my throat and mind from the gutter.

"The double date between you, Carlisle, my girlfriend and I."

_Girlfriend... he has a girlfriend? A Girlfriend? _

All this time pinning and daydreaming and possibly night raping him only to discover he has a girlfriend?

Cue the dread...it hurts. Why, if the only thing I want is his body does this hurt so much?

"No."

"No? Tanya and I will be there so you and Carlisle won't have to be alone and if the nig..."

"I said no. No. No. NO! No I don't want to go on a double date. No, I don't want to see Carlisle ever again especially now that we're divorced. And no, I don't want to meet your _girlfriend."_

"But..."

"Oh! Hey, Bella, Edward. What a coincidence," greets Alice.

_Fucking Hell! Double Time is double teaming me._

"Hey, Alice. I was just trying to get Bella to come to a double date with me and Tanya."

"Wow, that sounds great..."

"No! For the last time NO!" I scream.

The whole place falls more silent than it already was, and truthfully I am beyond caring at this point.

"I don't want to see Carlisle, date him, talk to him, or even fuck him. I don't want to see your girlfriend. And I don't want to see you, Alice. In fact, you go on this double date. Hell, you had a greater chance of better sex in an hour than I had in seven years. Go you, Alice! Congratulations! You are an achiever! Now, if we are done here, I will gladly appreciate it if you two would stop following me. Seriously, it's called stalking... as in my father the chief of police will have no trouble getting me a restraining order with your names on it. And for the record, Anthony, my marriage was miserable, completely. I've never been happier in my whole life since the divorce. So if you really want to make him happy, I suggest you find another harpy for the job."

And with that, I walk out of that place with strange looks, a book with a thick-legged Fabio holding a barbie, and my dignity singing Hallelujah!


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: Hey guys welcome back and welcome to the new readers. Please review before you check out any other awesome stories.

* * *

><p>Selfish 22<p>

Selfish 22

It's been quiet... too quiet,

And it's also been three weeks since I last saw the duo from hell.

I hate to say it, but I kind of miss them.

It's kind of sick that I miss their ambush,

So sometimes, I find myself on alert.

Just when I think they're about to strike, I stiffen my back and...

Wait for a long time.

Nothing happens of course.

Emmett thinks it's what I said about the sex.

Rosalie thinks it's because I confessed about being miserable and played the guilt card.

Jasper, the most sane, knows it's because of the restraining order I threatend them with.

Either case, I kind of miss them... a little.

One more month passes before I am able to fully relax without any expectations.

And it is then, when I am faced with the one who started it all.

Carlisle.

It all happened because of a nonsexual game with a very sexual touch.

We were playing Twister.

Drunk.

And because we were too drunk to decide who would be turning the wheel, Emmett decided that he would call all the shots.

That was mistake number 1.

And just when we were about to start, he decides to ump it up by playing naked with only our panties, bras, and boxers on.

We agreed like idiots.

That was mistake number 2.

The game started out with laughs and giggles, a few bumps and grinds, and whispers of caresses.

But then Emmett decided that he wasn't close enough to Rosalie, and started calling out very planned combinations.

The end result had him over Rosalie's spread, curved body...

Jasper and I somehow ended up in a twist of limbs with faces close to crotches and boners.

Forgetting that Emmet has a very small attention span, was mistake number 3...

When he started grinding his junk on Rosalie's ass and completely forgetting about the rest of us...

Jasper and I moved so fucking fast.

Well, he did, cause I wasn't looking where I was crawling to and ended up head-butting the coffee table.

And becuase my name is Bella Swan...

God said, "Pass out," and pass out I did.

I woke up under covers, almost naked, killer hangover with a crazy headache and staring at Carlisle's scared gaze.

Panic swelled in at that moment, thinking that I had imagined the whole divorce.

It isn't until the heart beat escalates to the point of hyperventilation that he finally steps away from me with a resigned sad smile.

"You scared me, Bella. Out of all the stupid things to do... crawling head straight into a coffee table, drunk, naked..."

He looks away towards the open window to gather his thoughts.

I feel so bad for this man, because I did love him for a long time... until I just stopped and decided to love myself instead.

I had already been horrible to him, and seeing him this unkept, and so not his usual self, was a very bad reality check.

I hurt him, thinking of no one but me.

I am selfish.

Would I take it all back if I could... no.

"I'm sorry," I say. Even though I've said it countless of times before... I really mean it this time.

And his smile let's me know that he finally understands.

I wish him luck and happiness... he deserves it.

He wishes me the same, and he means it.

He apologizes about Double Time, because he had no idea about any of it.

I believe him... he doesn't lie.

When I'm finally cleared to leave, he gives me a hug goodbye and a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you, Bella," he whispers one last time in my ear.

"I love you too, Carlisle." I reply back.

I do... just not the same way he loves me back.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

* * *

><p>Selfish 23<p>

The anticipation is strong...

Very strong.

I've only felt like this one other time before...

Can't think about that.

But God! If only I could...

And then maybe...

It might not be worth it...

But then it might...

Fuck it...

I press the little button on the mouse...

And now...

I'm enrolled in college.

This was just as hard as when I opened the Facebook account...and I promise that I'm not stalking a certain Anthony Masen at all.

But that's neither here or there.

This is so much more rewarding.

I can only imagine how much more it'll be when I finally graduate...

Have my own degree.

If only I knew now what that was.

I have so many things to experience that I find myself staring the all the classes that they offer.

I want to take everything, a little bit of this, a little bit of that...

But ultimately, I decide that maybe taking the basics would be a better solution.

Get the hard work out of the way so that it'll also give me time to sort my thoughts in order.

There are so many English, Math, and Science courses being offered...

I am overwhelmed.

Thankfully... I have Jasper.

Jasper and I have become very close friends.

At first it was kind of forced through Rosalie's friendship, and then it morphed into a little release, that eventually seemed forced again once Rosalie started fornicating with Emmett.

But now...

We have so much in common that he has turned out to be my best friend.

No sexual benefits included.

He sits with me, and together we comb through all the bullshit and confusing information that the website offers.

"What if you start with online classes, you know, just to get used to the fact that you will start having homework again and then you can work your way into a classroom later on," he recommends.

"But... I'll feel like I'm cheating myself out of the experience. How much can I actually learn from staring at notes? What if I have questions?"

I'm skeptical about online courses since they didn't exist during my time in school. But the more I read through the information we are able to dig up, we decide to start with easy enough classes.

Actually, just one class... Socialism.

"That'll give you the experience and chances are you will probably have debates regarding some topics."

I'm so excited to be back in "school" that I don't fight his suggestion.

Besides... beggars can't be choosers.

As time passes, I spend more and more time in Jasper's apartment.

Rosalie, my room mate, isn't the easiest person to live with. Not only is she an extreme germaphobe.

Considering that Emmett is as nasty as they come, I don't understand how she can put her mouth anywhere near him... on him.

Cue the dramatic shudder and unavoidable gag.

So, I digress.

Jasper and I have been spending more time together in his apartment.

It is quiet, clean, and surprisingly enough, it feels as if I'm visiting my grandparent's house instead.

The first time I walked through his door, I stopped automatically.

There were no straight lines, no black and white, no bachelor theme decorations.

Noooooo...

Mr Jasper Whitlock's apartment consisted of flower printed sofas with little knitted shawls over them, a fireplace with porcelain animals on the mantel, a coffee table with a small flower arrangement and womanly reading materials. His kitchen was reminiscent of fifty's era complete with the green stove and old fashioned fridge. His room, albeit more modern, still had a four poster bed with a canopy.

The thing about Jasper is that he isn't embarrassed at all.

"You better turn in your man card, Jasper. This is... Jesus! Do you live with your grandparent's or something?" I asked him.

After he chuckled, he showed me exactly how manly his place really was... because really, the whole place — if you looked at it from a guy's perspective — was a wet dream come true.

The sofa's were not only cute, they were very comfortable, and used at a correct angle, they resembled the famous Tantra Chair. If you look between the magazines on the table, you'll find all kinds of porn magazines. The little kittens on the mantel, secretly held cameras. The outdated kitchen is an excellent backdrop to a porn set with a sturdy fridge to bang against. His room, well... the bed post's were excellent for holding on to, being held or strapped to. And the canopy, well, there is a mirror under there.

"The décor, I just really miss my Nana and Papa."

Jasper is a kinky fuck.

I considered bumping him up from best friend to best friend with super benefits to end my dry spell as I took in his apartment with new eyes.

But since the shock wore off, I've been able to relax, as much as someone can knowing that they're being videotaped.

Regardless, Jasper has helped me while I logged in everyday to class, helped with homework, reading the materials along with me, and even helped relax me before my first test, and even held me when I only got a C.

All in all, I was completely positive of three things:

Rosalie is an OCD bitch who has no problems licking the germs off of Emmett's sweaty body.

Jasper is a very kinky mother fucker with a complex for porn and grandparents.

Online classes are not as easy as they are advertised to be.


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: Hey readers! Thanks for the reviews. Now here is the next chapter where I kind of took out my frustrations out on. Until tomorrow...

* * *

><p>Selfish 24<p>

Unbelievable!

Un-fucking-believable!

I can not believe this...

This is insane!

What-the-fuck!

I hope she trips and fractures her ankle...

I hope she gets fired and has to use unemployment...

NO!

I hope that when zombies finally become real...they eat her.

Or better yet!

She looses her job and on her way to unemployment she trips on a crack and the zombies catch up to her and chomp on her ass!

"Zombies, Bella? I hope to never get on your bad side," cackles Jasper.

Asshole... cue dramatic sigh... cause it's really not his fault.

"I just... I'm hurting, Jazzy," I whine.

He pats my head as if comforting a pet and says, "It's okay little one. At least you know we tried. Hell, not even my help was of any use."

He's right.

It's not my fault.

It's _Her's_.

After the shock of getting a C on my first test wore off, I busted off my ass with studying hard, along with Jasper.

Long nights, continued on to long days.

Long days stretched in to him sitting next to me...

Helping me find the answers for tests because that's just how it works.

At the end...

None of it mattered.

The shock of the first C, continued on until I finished the class with a C-.

Just when we thought we could see the end of the tunnel...

It's like the cyber bitch appeared and beat us down.

Cunt! I'm still hoping on zombies to take her.

She claims I plagiarized...

Plagiarized! The fucking insult!

How can reading the material and writing it down in your own words count as plagiarizing?

Just thinking about her comment...

Aaaargghhhh!

Besides being beaten down by the cyber teacher...

The social network known as Facebook, has decided to join in on the fun.

My cyberstalking Anthony has reached dangerous levels according to Jasper...

Even though he's doing the same thing to Alice...

Cause he's helping keep track of Double Time according to him.

It hurts to see his smile...

His arm wrapped around that...that...

That beautiful skank.

Cause no one can be that beautiful and not be a skank.

Even Jasper and the Oxymoron Duo – OxyDo for short – formerly known as Rosalie and Emmett, agree with me.

She has wavy long, blond hair that shines so bright that it creates a halo on her head. Even with too much makeup and perfect teeth she looks pretty.

Now, if I could just... oh, I don't know, trip and accidently fall directly on her boobs with a fork, I'm pretty sure I could prove to the world her boobs are plastic as soon as the liquid squirts out instead of blood.

And then... Anthony will run up to me and thank me for a service well done...

Instead, I have to sit on my ass and watch through the computer as he posts picture after picture of their outings and blooming romance.

I am starting to reconsider Jasper's proposal to...help each other...

Cause with the stress of the cyber beat down and the depressing results from stalking...

It's only a matter of time before either of us crack.


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. I don't own anything.

A/N: Hey guys, don't forget to review... until tomorrow.

* * *

><p>Selfish 25<p>

The spring semester is finally over...

And along with that semester goes that horrible C-.

I've already signed up for my new classes... basic english and math...

Cause apparently I've been out of school so long that even the basics are a challenge.

I don't sign up for more classes because I want to actually succeed in these two first.

But until the Summer session begins...

I stay home and try to to come to terms with my... OUR, extracurricular activities.

Jasper and I have gotten closer, if that's even possible.

I spend so much time in his apartment that some of my stuff has found it's way into his room.

Everything is platonic, we don't touch...

Only when we cuddle... but nothing more.

All I think about is Anthony.

All he thinks about is Alice.

Double A's, Double Time...

We're slowly becoming losers.

According to Facebook...

Anthony and _Tanya._.. cue the sneer... are in Hawaii.

Hawaii!

How fucking lovely...

And why am I still hung on him? Him! My stalker...

And according to Facebook...

Alice is single and dating.

So what do we do?

We set up a computer center in his office with multiple screens...

We follow and track...

Not really.

But we might as well...

Cause we're really good.

I'm good at catching all the small details...

He's good at hacking.

We're fucking awesome.

"We should do this for a living," he murmurs, his eyes intent on following Alice through her latest date.

The guys she's dating... he's a shifty fucker... all kinds of red flags going off.

"I think we should..." I trail off staring at all the computers in front of us, amazed that I can see Alice clearly from different angles, but most importantly, see Tanya dancing with Anthony.

"Yeah, we could definitely do something with this."

"It wouldn't really be legal," he reminds me.

"Yeah," I agree, cause it's pretty fucking obvious that some of these angles required some serious hacking work.

"We could make serious money with this," he says.

"We could totally land in jail," I continue

"OxyDo can bail us out with the money we make," we both finish off, giggling like idiots.

The scene before us, is very much like the last Batman movie where he uses his computer to hack into all of humanity's phones... kind of fucking cool, and unreal... and again, super illegal.

"Where did you get the equipment to do this again?" I ask, very curious cause he always refuses to answer.

"Do you want to die?" he asks.

I think about it, cause I really want to know... the risk is great... the rewards will be awesome... and knowing something so secret... is like having sex while eating chocolate.

I nod.

He nods...

"I stole it from..." he trails off, unsure to disclose his secrets. "The CIA."

"Bull shit!" I laugh in his face, but for a second I kind of believe him.

Actually, I choose to ignore him, cause if he's really not lying...

Then we're really pretty fucking screwed...

Stalking and all.


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns everything Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read the story, especially review it. But I also want to mention how freaking happy I am that Beegurl13 has taken the time to recommend the story on Twitter. Really... that is just beyond words and pretty awesome. So, Beegurl13... this chapter is for you, thank you. Oh, also, I've been reading these awesome stories called "What Might Have Been," and "Worship," which is why I didn't post yesterday, cause I was reading the stories from the beginning... again. How can anyone update their stories when there are stories to read instead? Anyways, they are finished and made me cry... yeah, it's pretty awesome so go read them. But, review first.

Selfish 26

Jasper is acting weird...

No, correction...

Jasper has been acting weird for two weeks now.

Ever since Alice started dating the creeper,

Jasper has kind of been off the wall.

He insists that he's just keeping watch...

I insist that he's being borderline scary.

I know I'm keeping tabs on Anthony, but...not to this extreme.

It's not as if I know by heart that he always works out, goes to a coffee shop, and watches the sunset without fail everyday...

No, that's not scary, thats just being observant.

But Jasper...

Jasper has slowly started to integrate himself in Alice's life.

Accidental meetings,

Mutual likes and dislikes,

And not surprisingly enough,

He has roped me in his schemes.

"It's time you forgive the girl, Bella. Take the next step and seek her out."

Seek her out my ass!

Just throw me out to the wolves!

My job, to distract the creeper...

While he, goes in for the sweeping off the feet.

But first, I must integrate myself in their lives.

Accidently meeting them wasn't hard at all.

We tracked them down, drove down to the location, and positioned ourselves...

Jasper behind the wheel across the street...Vigilante asshole!

And me, bumping into them, which wasn't hard at all.

"Bella? Oh, my, Bella. Wow, uhm, I wasn't following, I mean, I uh... oh, this is James... my boyfriend. James, this is Bella," she stammered.

The reunion is awkward... heavy silences, loaded glances...

Oh, and creeper definitely deserves that title.

His eyes stay trained on my cleavage throughout the whole time.

I don't think he even knows what we talk about at all.

I feel his heavy stare, it unnerves me.

Alice notices, too...even though she merely reacts to it, as if it is a daily occurrence. .

I accept her apologies, we catch up, and we laugh...a lot.

I'm happy to say, that I think this reunion is benefiting me, too.

Even if Creeper continues to eye my chest like a thirsty man eyeing a chilled glass of water.

At the end of lunch...

Much to Alice's happiness, creeper's delight, and my reluctance...

I invite them over to Jasper's apartment.

With a scowl on my heart, and a fake smile on my face...

I am positive of three things:

Alice likes Jasper, more than she probably should.

Jasper owes me big time, like big enough to wax my legs to perfection after a pedicure.

Creeper is going to get a kick to the balls if his eyes don't shift soon.


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

A/N: Let's get back to the drama... cause not everything can be funny and light. This story does have it's rating for a reason so if you're sensitive to certain issues, I suggest you leave now or return tomorrow for the conclusion. On another note, Unexpected Circumstances updated... yay! The lemonade Stand has also opened up a section for drabbles where you'll find stories such as "Worship" "What Might Have Been" "From My Window" "Seven Weeks" and many others... so go check it out. Before you leave, write me a review. Thanks!

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><p>Selfish 27<p>

Why?

Why me?

_Why do I always get stuck with the losers?_

First grade... Eric Wayner... who had a tendency to stick buggers in all kinds of places, sat behind me for a whole year... Coming home turned into a game of "Where's the Booger?"

Fifth grade... Taylor Smith...and his seven minutes of heaven was seriously seventeen minutes of groping hell.

Junior year... Carl Owens and I were forced to bunk in the same tent for our camping trip... let's just say that wet dreams don't necessarily stay in one spot.

Now... I'm sitting on Jasper's grandma couch with Creeper still staring at my tits while he and Alice tour the bedroom.

Tour my ass.

It doesn't take long to walk through the door before us, look around, and come back out.

"Take one for the team, Bella." Jasper's words keep ringing in my head.

_Team... team... team... pedi... massage... and maybe an orgasm, too, while he's at it..._

"So, Sarah, where exactly do you live," Creeper asks my tits.

I look at his face and will his eyes to shift.

_Well Creeper... Tit one lives on the left side while Tit two resides on the right side... permanently..._

"Oh, I live here, and it's Bella by the way," I answer instead.

"Right, right. So you two together?"

I play dumb... no reason to let him know I have a brain.

"Of course they're together, there're real, too," I answer sarcastically.

His chuckle is low and deep, and so disturbing.

"Oh, I know they're real."

Silence...

Awkward silence...

I look everywhere but him... in fact... my eyes are trained on the door...

_Open, open... God, Jasper... you better not be stuffing Alice or I'll be stuffing you from behind..._

"Is there a bathroom here?"

_Of course there's a bathroom, idiot... we're inside an apartment. What apartment has no bathroom?_

"Yes, it's down the hall way, second door to the right."

I let out a sigh of relief...

He's gone...

The air is actually easier to breath...

I focus my hearing to the door...

There is no moaning, but there is whispering going on...

"Sasha? I need a little help here," Creeper calls.

One last look at the still closed door...

I head to see what Creeper wants.

I knock on the door... doesn't open.

I knock again, a little louder... doesn't open.

"Crep... ah, James? You need something?"

Door opens up abruptly...

Catches me off guard...

The scream dies in my throat...

His hand is clammy and dirty on my mouth...

My arms are restrained above my head by his other hand...

All of a sudden, I'm surrounded by darkness...

But not before he begins to lick my tits...

And not before I realized he's naked from the waist down.

And just like that... taking one for the team, does not sound like a good idea anymore.


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: Wow, is what think when read the reviews to the last chapter, so thank you! Also, although you are not able to see me, rest assured that I've been doing the happy dance all day long. I got an e-mail saying that this little story will be on *drum roll please* The Lemonade Stand in their section of Lemony Snippets... their section on drabbles. That is super awesome, until I logged on their page to check out new stories to read and guess what I found? My other story "Haven" in their Lemons and Lore section. My happy dance got super scary... LOL. Awesome. This one will be posted on Monday so I'll be waiting... until then, please enjoy this next chapter until tomorrow.

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><p><strong>Selfish 28<strong>

How can one man be so strong?

Correction...

How can I be so weak?

Being in this predicament...

Almost smothered and bound by the Creeper...

Makes me realize that just because I'm thin, does not mean I'm fit.

First thing I'll do when I get out of here...

Join the fucking gym, and boxing, and karate, and yoga... and everything else while I'm at it.

But for now, my panicked mind is coming up blank.

Jasper and Alice are some ways down the hall...

There's a room between us...

He won't hear me unless I'm able to scream or create some huge noise.

Creeper continues to lick my chest...

I'm heaving, trying to breath...

He thinks I'm aroused...

"I knew you wanted me the moment you talked about tits," he sneers close to my face.

The smell is so abundant, repugnant, fucking gross...

Bile actually rises up and spills through his fingers.

As I begin to choke, he releases my face and backhands me.

My face is burning with bile and the sting left behind...

My brain is spinning and just won't stop...

I feel like if I just stepped out of a huge roller coaster with multiple loops...

And just when I think that I have the chance to scream or get away...

There is a hand clamped to my neck...

It's harder to breath now...

_Jasper... Jasper... Alice... Pleaseeeee!_

_How can I see black spots when the room is bathed in darkness already?_

I feel my body slowly start becoming limp.

He releases my hands, I'm so weak that they just fall and literally hit my own head.

One more thing... one last act... anything to save me.

With the last strength left in my body...

I lift my left foot and swing it against the door behind me, making sure the heel hits the wood...

Really hard.

The sound startles Creeper so much that he bangs my body against the door.

The door knob behind me starts to dig into my lower back.

I'm thinking I won't make it out...

I'm thinking...

I'm sorry Carlisle... I wish I could have been better.

I hate you Alice, for bringing me in to your mess... because I'm sure, this should have been you.

I love you Jasper, you're my best friend... even if taking one for the team is taking my life.

And the OxyDo, well I love them, too.

And I think...

I think that I would have liked to see Anthony one last time... because I promise... I promise the skank Tanya has nothing on me.

And I think...

I might hear someone screaming behind the door.

Or, I think...


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: Sorry for not updating yesterday... apparently I pay the laptop too much attention... whatever that means. So the husband thought it be funny to take it. Anyways, I couldn't just leave you guys with that ending for another full day so I'm staying up late to update. Next chapter will be up later on today, and don't forget... this story will be on the lemonade stand. FYI, I finally updated my other story Haven so don't forget to check that out...zombies are just so cool. Please review.

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><p><strong>Selfish 29<strong>

**Beep... Beep...Beep...**

My head is pounding, my arms are heavy... can't move them...

**Beep... Beep... Beep...**

I hear voices in the background.

I don't understand what they are saying, who they belong to...

I know they are talking about me... just... why?

**Beep... Beep... Beep...**

Slowly, I am able to understand bits and pieces...

I hear my name... a lot.

I also feel someone rubbing or holding a different part of my body each time.

Everything feels so foreign... so...

Out of body experience.

Maybe I've died... but then... why does it hurt so much?

Was I so messed up that God decided to leave me in this... this... middle... or in limbo?

Not in hell, but not in heaven... "Suffer, Bella. You only thought of yourself."

I feel so alone here... in my mind.

**Beep... Beep... Beep...**

There is a new voice... I don't recognize the person.

It's a man... my doctor? I must be in the hospital... right?

What better place to be called the in-between?

This person, this voice... this man... seems to know me.

He touches me when there are no other voices.

He whispers in my ear things that I don't hear or understand... it tickles.

Soft brushes that don't hurt...

Fingers lightly combing through my hair...

Is this my angel, waiting for me to kick the bucket?

Because that's my conclusion...

I'm in the in-between because Jasper was too late to save me.

I took Alice's place and God doesn't know what to do with me.

_I'll be good, I promise... let me out... it's just so dark... so alone. _

**Beep... Beep... Beep...**

"You need to get better..."

"Come on, baby..."

"I'm so sorry..."

So many phrases, some that don't mean a thing to me... some that do.

Some that are hard to ignore, some are just impossible to forget.

I'm looking for forgiveness, for a way out.

I'm looking to be saved, to finally be free...

Whether it's through a miracle or a coffin.

**Beep... Beep... Beep...**

More fingers through my hair...

More whispers of encouragement...

I groan, it feels so good to feel anything other than pain...

His fingers stop moving... moving away almost in hesitance...

I move towards them...

_Don't... please... hear me. _

"Bella?"

My mouth is heavy, someone thought it be funny to stuff it with cotton...

_Emmett for sure...When I'm better, he'll be sorry..._

Maybe not... I'm gonna try to be good...

No more limbo for me...

"Bella, baby. Can you move your fingers for me. Open your eyes a bit. Please..."

His voice is desperate... strong hint of longing.

The word baby is ringing … _Warning... Warning... Warning..._

Maybe I shouldn't open them... I don't want to see blue...

Blue means... Carlisle... Jasper... Rosalie... Emmett... Alice...and … Creeper

They all have blue... I hate blue...

There's those fingers again...

Coaxing me to open them...

I can't stop... it feels good.

I try to open them... Too bright!

Fingers move away... then there's more darkness...

Fingers return... coaxing some more...

I try so hard...

Open one first, then the other...

It's so blurry, so dark and yet so white at the same time...

And I don't see blue...

I hate blue...

I see green.


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: Thank so much for the support. Just know that I read all the reviews and they are what motivates me to continue writing, despite how shity the day is. Next update tomorrow. Until then... leave me a review so that when Bella wakes up, Anthony might just be real.

Selfish 30

Hi Anthony... you're here!

In my room...

Why?

I sigh, cause your eyes are still so green...

So vibrant...so much better than what I remember.

Is it possible to see into someone's soul through their eyes...evil and good?

I think so.

Like when a person is giving you a soft look, yet their eyes are hard...

Yet, here you are, trying to look mad when your eyes are soft.

"What were you thinking, Bella?"

You are so mad, trying to remain stern.

There is relief there, too... a little, just hidden.

"What were you thinking when you went inside the bathroom with him?"

I'm confused... cause I didn't willingly go inside the bathroom with Creeper...

Did I?

I'm so confused... my thoughts are still a bit jumbled.

"I...I..."

My throat fucking hurts, it's so dry.

I examine the room I'm in, and I'm shocked.

It's very luxurious, at least as they come for hospital rooms... I know for a fact, my insurance does not cover this.

Who brought me here?

Why am I here?

Again, why are you in the room with me and no one else?

Most importantly, where is the damn water?

I look at you and touch my throat... my eyes are pleading...

You bring me a cup of water and slowly help me to sit up by pushing the buttons on the bed.

It hurts... like really fucking hurts... everywhere.

I'm thinking that darkness and nothing but the beeps, beeps, beeps, would be better...

Well, almost, cause you're here, and that makes the pain bearable.

The water is so soothing, and now I have no excuse to not answer you.

I tell you my story, I'm struggling... my speech is slow...

I begin to freak out.

Am I so damaged that my speech has suffered?

You tell me it will take time to recover, to give it time...

You would know...

You're a doctor.

I continue to tell you and watch as you become angry.

You tell me that my friends are sitting outside the door...

They are waiting for me to wake up.

I don't want to see them... not right now.

Maybe only Jasper, cause the bastard owes me some answers... a pedicure and a massage.

At some point, I notice that you're closer to me, perhaps more than what is acceptable.

Why?

Where is Tanya?

Did the sharks eat her? Did her boobs finally pop?

Or... is she waiting for you at home?

I want to ask so many questions but if I try to ask, I'll probably get stuck on the first one.

Carlisle walks in and doesn't comment on your proximity, but I see the way his body tenses...

You still don't move away.

I want to jump up and down in joy, and maybe do the chicken dance, or the sprinkler... anything stupid and embarrassing.

I'm happy... like deliriously happy... I settle with a grin.

It's probably at this point that I should worry about going to Hell for rubbing off my happiness in Carlisle's face...

Never pour salt in open wounds and all that...

As I look at his angry face, I'm thinking_...He's looking pretty sizzling._

I give him a lazy smile and a little hand wave... just to rub it in._.. I'm going to Hell anyways. _

_Gosh, I'm such a bitch... and my eyes are heavy._

But I'm also starting to get really tired...

I'm hoping...

No...begging...

Regardless of all the screaming in the background...

That when I open my eyes again...

You will still be here...

Close to me...

That this is not a dream.


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: I think my chapters are getting longer and longer... LOL. Blame Bella, she won't shut up. Anyways, don't forget to review, yeah? Did you know that reviews feed my brain? I know... I'm cool.

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><p>Selfish 31<p>

Anthony... he's making me super happy.

He hasn't left my side... not really.

He's given me extra care and seems reluctant to leave my room.

Light touches, caresses on my cheek, tender smiles... I think I'm liking him even more.

Then, there's Jasper and Alice.

Those two are so getting on my nerves with all these flowers and gifts they're bringing...

Seriously, if they want to make me happy, they should just shut the fuck up and disappear for a day...

Or two.

If I could just wobble out of the bed, I would use my full body cast to push them out of the room.

Ugh... full body cast! _What the hell!_

The nights are long but the days are so much longer... I am miserable!

The only good thing to come out of this whole ordeal...

Creeper being taken to prison... cause apparently he was wanted in many other states.

Jasper took that news really hard... so hard that he's adding detailed background checks into our hobby of people watching.

I don't know much of what happened that day, only that all hell broke loose once Jasper was able to get through the door.

My body was used as a body shield in the scuffle of testosterone.

I was basically manhandled by the beasts, and my unconscious body took the complete brunt of all the attacks on either side.

I think I even heard some nurses whisper when they thought I was asleep, about chunks of hair missing...

Denial is a strong emotion... one I decided was better than the truth in this one.

Another weird thing, Carlisle has backed off... completely.

He'll come in and check up on me, but he hasn't interfered.

He hasn't tried to pull the ex-husband card.

I'm shocked.

Has he moved on like I intended him to?

Has he finally found someone?

If he has, why does it bother me?

I'm attracted to Anthony, and I really can't think about being back with Carlisle again. So why does it bother me that he's not fretting, that his attention is elsewhere?

Rosalie tells me I'm selfish, and maybe I am.

But the truth is, I've had years to come to terms with my failed marriage, and even months to realize that I needed to move on... so how did he do it so fast?

Emmett says I need to stop moping, to stop thinking with my head and start thinking with my pussy.

When did he get so smart? Right, cause I can just shut off my brain without a thought...

I think I read somewhere that the best thing sometimes is to just love yourself...

Meaning, no other person to warm your bed... just you. I need to relearn who I am before I intend to bring Anthony into the mix... cause it will be him, especially now that it seems he's dropped the girlfriend in some ditch.

Since I've been here for a really long three weeks, I'm thinking that taking it slow will be good for us, so I'm inviting him for coffee when I'm discharged.

I can't wait.

As the days and nights shift from one to the other, I become more exasperated in my condition... until today, cause they're finally taking off the cast.

But, I'm being sent to physical therapy, just in case they assure me. Anything that can help strengthen my muscles is a good thing, because they want to make sure that the healed breaks are strong and blah... blah... blah... something about taking weeks... blah... blah... blah...

Once the cast was sawed off my body, I literally feel an Emmett-size lighter.

Anthony walks into my room, but something is off. Gone is the friendly and slight flirtatious smile... gone are his bright eyes and extra-lingering touches.

He's so formal... so doctor.

"As you know, Ms. Swan, today you will meet with your therapist and hopefully once you work together your hard work will have you back to normal in no time," he says, his voice very monotone.

My hand reaches out and gently caresses his hand. "Anthony, is everything okay? You seem... off?"

He looks pained when he removes my hand from his. He offers no explanation, no reassurance... just... nothing.

"I will wheel you off to the facility."

I try to engage in conversation, I keep getting ignored, or just answered back politely.

I'm totally freaking out... cause I know that I did not imagine the last month or so...I think... no, I know we have a connection and his intentions were more than clear that he likes me.

So, what is his problem now?

_Is it because he saw my hairy legs? Jesus! I can shave that shit off in no time..._

We finally reach the door to the "facility," and it does not escape my notice when he briefly hesitates to enter.

When I try to turn my body to face his from my wheel chair, he pushes me forward with strong strides.

There are many patients in varying forms of disability, each with their own nurse or therapist... mostly seem male, but there are females.

I hope for a female, cause I don't think I'm ready to be touched by someone I don't know... not unless Jasper hands over the background check first.

We finally reach a young girl, my age I think. I can't tell, she's bending over, trying to open a bag.

She seems to sense us behind her, and without opening her bag, she jumps up and runs straight into Anthony's arms.

I'm confused, and very fucking enraged..._what the hell is going on?_

But before I can lash out, she turns around and beams a Colgate smile..."Hi there, I am so, so, so , so, happy to meet you. Oh, Eddie! Isn't she just so pretty?" She looks back at me and hugs my neck tight. "We are going to be such good friends, like bff's forever," she squeals.

From the corner of my eye, Anthony... or Eddie, twitches...

I guess it's safe to assume, that not only did Eddie lie to me about his name... but he also misled me...

Cause his girlfriend Tanya, is my new therapist... and the bitch is still clinging to my neck.


	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: same as usual...

a/n: thank you for all the reviews and encouragement sent my way...they are most appreciated. Until tomorrow...

Selfish...32

Why can't I catch a break?

Why is it that when I finally start to find some resemblance of happiness, it has to be ripped away from me?

She continues to hold on to me, continues to talk..."so, so, so, so" much.

I don't care about what she says, it means nothing to me.

But what you say, means everything to me.

Your face is hard, stoic, so...

Your eyes are heartbreaking, asking for forgiveness.

But who are you? Anthony? Eddie?

Who is the real one and how could you think that this is something someone could forgive?

I'm breaking, I feel it.

It starts in my chest, this pain so strong...it's suffocating.

It slowly starts to spread until the pressure behind my eyes becomes unbearable.

Don't look away from me! See what you did...

She thinks I'm happy, so, so, so, so, emotional...her hug intensifies...

And now I'm disgusted...at her, at you, at myself...

For putting myself out there, for letting myself be reached at this level where my insecurities and dreams are open to you.

Then, I realize my mistake now...

You know the famous saying...you don't know what you have until it's gone...

I never had you, no...

But I did have Carlisle...

Right now...he would hug me close to his chest, my head resting on his strong, warm chest...

One arm around my back, firm hold...while the other caresses my cheek and hair...sweet whispers in my ear, butterfly kisses on my eyes...security.

I miss him...

I miss that...that human unaltered love...

But perhaps it was always supposed to be that way for me...to be alone.

My father leaving because I was that mistake...

My mother never failing to remind me of my shortcomings...

Alice, Creeper, Jasper...

You.

I'm suppose to learn about myself...

I am a leech...unloveable...

I take from where I can...cue the glint in my eyes.

And right now, I have a very willing Tanya and her hug...

Watch me take comfort from your girlfriend and suck on that!

At least, until she finds out I'm lusting over you.


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

A/N: This will be the last update until Sunday. On Saturday I'm having a huge halloween party so I don't have to take the kids out trick-or-treating... i figured this way would be safer than the dark, strangers, and nasty candy. I will be busy tomorrow with preparations. I'll make it up to you guys by posting 3 chapters on Sunday. Now, before you guys leave to read other stories... do any of you have any recipes or ideas for halloween such as decorations or food? All the help I can get will be greatly appreciated... or, you guys can tell me what you thought about the chapter. Until Sunday.

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><p>Selfish 32<p>

The thing about learning, is that sometimes much to your dismay, it happens in the presence of others.

Now, that can be a good thing... lesson learned by all parties and all that.

But also, it can be a bad thing... depending if the experience is humiliating, like a child getting spanked in public.

My lesson here today... I'm gullible to male advances... and, it's humiliating.

As my friends sit in the nearby bench to offer their support, Tanya makes her way over to them and introduces herself...

Leaving my and Eddie alone.

"Bella?" a voice whispers.

I ignore him... because really... you can only stamp on me for so long before I stamp back.

"Look, is there a time we can talk? I want to explain things to you... please."

Blah... blah... blah._.. bullshit... _

_Don't cave... be strong... don't cave... and like that girl said from Ryan's Roses on the radio the other day..._

_Stay strong... stay beautiful...well, at least the staying strong part will be easier, the other one might take a while. _

"Bella, please listen to..."

"Mr. Anthony, or Eddie? Please don't talk to me. I think I've heard and seen enough to understand how things are. Don't bother, okay. Just pretend I don't exist and let me walk away with my tail intact."

_Don't cry... stay strong... stay beautiful... okay, let's work on pretty._

"But I need to explain things. I can't just walk away." His voice is pleading, and so fucking desperate.

_Strong... strong... strong..._

"If you don't leave me alone, you will regret talking to me," I answer him.

"Please don't do this."

I can see OxyDuo and Jalice staring at Eddie and I... probably waiting for kung fu moves to start soon.

How Alice and Emmett can stand being in the same room with different partners if beyond me, completely.

It is then that I notice another couple in another bench... Carlisle and some... some...nurse.

_Fucking hell! The hits just keep on coming! _

_Of course she's blond, why wouldn't she be? Nice tits, small waist... at least her teeth are fucked up from what I can tell, and is that cellulite? _

I feel a sense of loss, longing, jealousy... just, not as bad as I had feared it might have been.

"Bella!" whisper-yells Eddie, distracting me from Carlisle and Nurse Barbie.

I'm so tired and angry... so angry...

No one... and I mean no one, whisper-yells at me. It's disrespectful, like I'm not worth the effort for a full yell, something to be kept secret.

"Are you feeling better, sweetie?" coos Tanya out of nowhere.

_NO, and halitosis can be solved with a mint, or maybe from not sucking too much cock. Shit! Do not think about her anywhere near Eddie's peen... no, no, no!_

"Actually, Tonya," I say, mispronouncing her name and adding a little sniffle for effect, "I'm just so... sad. I just found out that the guy I like has been playing with me while he has a girlfriend."

Tanya looks stricken before enveloping me in another hug. "Oh, honey. Don't think about him. You can do so, so, so, so much better than him."

_Oh, Tanya... if only you knew..._

I sniffle some more to hide my snort and wonder if she has stuttering problems.

I manage to release myself from her arms. "That's just it, I don't think I can. I really like him and he seemed to really like me and then POW," I clap my hands together hard, "he just turns cold."

Eddie seems to struggle to maintain his facade, which is good cause I know he's listening to my every word.

It's slowly slipping, just as mine is, too. I can only hold on to anger for so long before I'm left drained and numb.

"Well then. Let's get you all better so that you can get over this loser by getting under another one... well, you know what I mean."

Oh, I do know what she means...

And as Eddie turns a very purple color... so does he.


	34. Chapter 34

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I don't own nothing.

A/N: Who thought that having a halloween party would be a good idea... My God, the work!...I think I've died. Please enjoy the chapter while I nurse a bruised body that was hurt by pelting candy, and greedy little monsters trying to get said candy...

Selfish 34

I let the water cascade down my body...

Finally, what a relief it is to feel your body clean...

And to be able to finally shave... My God!

Even though the water pressure sucks, and the space would not allow more than one person inside...

It still feels like heaven.

I feel so much lighter now that the cast is off.

The cast...what a joke!

Yes my body was in pain, yes, I have a few cuts, and yes, some of my bones dislocated...

But nothing was really broken...

The cast was not necessary.

I swear I prayed for the day I found out that it was Carlisle the one who ordered it.

Where was his flimsy, small waisted, big-boobed nurse when Carlisle was all up in my business?

I'll admit, it is a little hard to walk, but only because certain junctures hurt...

It feels as my bones need a little oil in the hinges to make it go smoother...

Whatever, it's off... I'm content.

The bruises have faded... well, most.

The scars are minimal...

My spirits are high.

I step out of the small shower...

Slowly, cause it would just be stupid to slip right after recovering from an injury...

But then, if I was to get injured, wouldn't the hospital be a perfect place for it to happen?

Well, at least when I'm dressed that is...

It would be just something else for me to fall while only wearing the stupid hospital towel and nothing more.

As I step out, I use one arm to hold on to the shower curtain, and my other arm to hold the towel tied to my chest.

The floor is slippery, but I manage.

It isn't until the bathroom door opens...

I am completely startled...

Both my hands instinctively tighten, on the towel and the curtain...

Unfortunately, I also pull the curtain to me and we both fall the the floor in a heap.

I am filled with embarrassment... how moronic can I be?

Seriously!

And when the gasp escapes his lips...

It's too late for me to notice, that my knees are bent and spread apart.

Cue mortification...

Cue Anthony staring at my uncovered crotch.


	35. Chapter 35

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: One more chapter after this. Please review.

Selfish 35

My first instinct, is to close my legs...

Cause you know, that's what a decent girl would do...

Right?

But then, when your eyes turn from the greenest of greens... to the blackest of blacks...

My traitorous legs, spread apart...

Just a little more to give you a better view of...

Well, all of me.

My left hand accidently lets go of the towel...

It falls apart...

You begin to approach me...

Cautious, predatory, determined...

I lean back on my elbows, even though the tile flooring is hurting them bad...

I can't stop myself from this...

From you.

Fuck Carlisle and his skimpy, voluptuous nurse.

Fuck Tanya and her cheery disposition.

And while I give you my best come hither look...

I'm willing you to fuck me.


	36. Chapter 36

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: Last chapter for tonight. Remember, this drabble is rated M...so if you're not old enough, sorry but you need to leave... thanks for stopping by though. As for the rest of you, enjoy a little bit of Eddie.

Selfish 36

God, do I want to fuck you.

Take you here on the floor and make you my slut.

But that wouldn't be the gentlemanly thing to do... now would it?

My strides become long, and before I know it, I'm in front of you...

Close enough to where I can smell you...

Enough distance to where I haven't crossed this invisible line that my stubbornness has created.

All these problems, all this separation is my fault.

Had I just given in to the urges, the lust... you would have been mine already.

You would have been under me, over my body, riding my cock against a wall.

Instead, I'm stuck in this inferno with Tanya...

My fuck-buddy turned girlfriend overnight.

But that's not important right now...

She's not important, not in my mind, and hopefully soon, not in my life.

I'm here now, looking down at your dripping pussy...

Just savoring the smell and sights... sampling the wine.

My resolve is weakened...

And when you moan, I swear my cock just teared through the fabric of my slacks.

I know you hear it, when you begin to writhe on the tile floor.

I don't think you need anymore friction to get off.

That is exciting in it's own, it means I can get you off without touching you.

How many men can say that... can boast an undeniable truth like that?

I get on my knees, where I belong before you...

With one last look at your half-lidded eyes, I get on my stomach...

My face a few inches away from my meal...

One long-drawn out breath, and I gently blow on your pussy.

You surprise me with the feral groan that leaves your lips...

And the way that your hips lift from the floor, only brings your pussy close to my mouth.

My hips take control, grinding against the floor...

I look at your face, sweat pouring down the sides of your temples...

Your breast, swollen with hard peaks that could cut through glass, begging me to suckle and bite...

Lastly, I look at the rest of your body as a whole, as you vibrate from uncontainable ecstasy as I gently run the tip of my tongue over your sensitive button.

It doesn't take long for your gushes of pleasure to pour out of you...

Fucking delicious.

As I begin to lower what is left of my zipper, I hear someone at the door...

I hear her.

I have to get rid of her.


	37. Chapter 37

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

Selfish 37

The sight of your hair between my legs is almost too much to bear.

The gentle blow of your breath... is the most erotic feeling in the world.

And when I feel the little nudge on my clit... I can not hold it in anymore.

Ecstasy... pure...toe curling... mind numbing... fucking ecstasy.

This is something that has been a long time waited for.

I feel the gush rush out from me, I feel the way my body arches off the cold floor...

I can also hear the sound of a zipper off in the distance.

But when I come back down from the most unbelievable experience of my life...

You are gone.

Did I imagine it?

Were you a figment of my imagination?

Embarrassment floods my senses.

How fucking desperate am I?

Did I fall so hard on the floor that my mind just goes bonkers and I imagine the most erotic sight before me?

How fucking humiliating.

I stand up on shaking legs and wrap securely the towel to my torso.

I look at my reflection in the mirror...

Bright eyes, large grin, tinted cheeks...

_So much for embarrassment...I'll take an orgasm like that any day._

Yeah, my orgasm was not fake... now, if I could just fall more within the privacy of my home and have a repeat...

Who needs vibrators and men?

There are a series of voices outside the door so I hurry to put my clothes...yoga pants and tank top.

As I step out of the bathroom, I notice the thick tension between Tanya, Carlisle and Eddie.

Whatever their argument is... I know it has to do with me.

The silence is heavy as well as the glares.

"Well, please continue. Don't let my presence bother you," I sneer with a wave of my hand.

I continue to move cautiously until I'm gently sitting on my uncomfortable sofa...

There is no way I'm lying down on the hospital bed if I don't have to.

"Are you guys just going to stand there?" I ask them exasperated.

I shift a bit and feel my still sensitive clit tingle from the pressure of sitting down.

I'm just barely able to hold in the moan that wants to desperately escape...

I continue to jiggle around and lie. "This sofa is uncomfortable."

Carlisle gives me one more look before he stomps out of the room.

"Don't forget to slam the door on your way out while you're at it," I comment on his tantrum.

Eddie and Tanya seem to be having an argument between them.

Her arms are flailing around, her body shaking from side to side...

I have the strongest urge to yell wobble, wobble, wobble.

Tanya makes a move to finally leave, but thinks about it better, and comes within a few feet before me.

"How long have you been fucking my fiancee?"

Fucking?

Fiancee?


	38. Chapter 38

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: I would apologize for not updating yesterday, but that would be lying. You see, I found a story where Edward is a viking... you can't expect me to function while reading that can you? It's called "My Viking" by sheviking. It's not a drabble, but it does have an Edvard with his viking manly ways... sigh. If you any stories that are not the normal human or vampire of the 21st century, let me know. Anyways, please review.

Selfish 38

Smash...

Smash...

_Fucking walnuts!_

Smash, smash, smash...

_Fucking hard shells..._

Smash, smash, smash...

_Fucking Tanya!_

Smash, smash, smash, smash, smash, smash...

_Fucking Eddie!_

"Fiancee,"I scoff.

Smash...

"What the fuck-ever!"

Smash, smash, smash,

"Fiancees are people who are only delaying the actual marriage, anyways!"

Smash, smash, smash, smash, smash, smash...

"Who needs men! Who needs drama with so much reality TV available..."

I hear the front door of mine and Rosalie's apartment open. Ever since the incident at Jasper's apartment happened, I haven't been able to walk through Grandma-ville.

And ever since the incident at the hospital where I was accused of being a fiancee breaker, I haven't been back there either.

I've been home for a week doing my own therapy with the help from Emmett. He's no professional, but he knows workouts and he helps me out tremendously.

"Bella! What the hell are you killing inside the kitchen. I can hear the banging all the way down the lobby. Mind you, that's six floors down," Rosalie scolds.

I don't turn to look at her while I continue to use the meat tenderizer to crack open one of the few walnuts that was still recognizable.

"It's not my fault these nuts are hard," I complain.

Her hand stills my hand holding the mini hammer and she removes from my grasp. My hand is shaking... I close it in a fist because this is a sign of weakness and I will not... not be weak.

I feel a tall, hard body behind my back and strong lean arms encircle my waist. Jasper...

Rosalie is standing to my left. She wipes the tears from my eyes that until that moment, I had no idea were flowing steadily.

"I... I feel like such a fucking failure, Rosie. I'm twenty-six and divorced..."

"Twenty-five," she corrects me.

I wail harder. "Jesus, I don't even know my fucking age."

They are patient, surrounding me, giving me support, letting me finally get rid of these overwhelming emotions.

"Unwanted pregnancy, ignored childhood, teenage marriage, divorce, sex the day after divorce with a stranger, falling in lust with a different stranger the next day, stalking, more stalking, being attacked... imagined orgasm and then breaking up an engagement... Oh yeah, I'm on a roll. They should just put a warning sign that I live here, or maybe my image will be what pops up when compared to bad luck after breaking a mirror."

Rosalie rolls her eyes and snaps at me, even though there is no bite to her snark. "Not everything in your life is bad, Bells. You have to look at the upside of things. So what if daddy didn't want you, I'd say a life with out a dad is better than one where he beats you like mine did. Your mother ignores you, yeah, I wish mine did that, she's so suffocating that I'm considering changing my last name and disappearing. So you got a divorce... who hasn't. This is the USA. Nothing says we're more American than fried food and broken homes. All the other stuff, that's nothing. You over think, over analyze, and over react... and, that's all I'm saying."

Jasper squeezes my waist and pulls me tighter to his body... it feels nice, and for a moment I forget my troubles... just a teeny tiny moment... until reality slaps me back down to Earth and I'm reminded that he's now with Alice and this should not feel nice...

Cause it has never felt this kind of nice before...

And I really don't need to add more trouble to my list.

I hardly notice as Rosalie walks out of the apartment, the soft click of the door resonating in the otherwise quiet place.

The arms around me grow tighter...

Our bodies flush against each other...

The embrace feels warm, safe... and so very fucking erotic...

It's hard to ignore the way my nipples respond, the way my body heats... and the pooling between my legs.

Maybe... if I could just let go, for just a moment... to just forget and only to feel...

This is wrong and it feels so right... and I know then...

That it isn't Jasper behind me.


	39. Chapter 39

Disclaimer Stephenie owns all things Twilight, I own nothing.

A/N: Can anyone guess where I was today at around...10 am? I'll give you guys a hint... I live in LA. It was awesome...that's all I'm saying about that. Welcome new readers from TLS, hope you guys enjoy the story. As for the rest of you, thanks for sticking around. Also, thanks to Beegurl13 for your recommendations, I think I've found my next fix. Until next time, please review.

Selfish 39

Gosh, I hate this...

The way I feel so out of control with my emotions and reactions...

Especially where he is concerned.

Didn't being married for seven years teach me anything? I thought I had learned how keep everything inside, and now...

I'm a fucking mess!

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I whisper. Somehow, volume seems important.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. I haven't seen you and...I missed you... miss you."

I'm too afraid to turn around and confront him directly face to face.

I'm a coward, an emotional coward at that.

"What about Tanya? Don't you miss your fiancee? I'm sure she's wondering where you are."

I can feel him shaking his head from behind me, and if it's even possible, his body comes closer to mine as if to reassure that it's me he wants...

_God... I want him... please... please... I want him... I swear I'll go to church on Sundays... just please..._

It's hard to concentrate on anything at all, even breathing, when you can feel everything like this.

I don't think I would ever be able to give it justice as I describe the way his body is so masculine, so hard... towering over my small frame... huge hands splayed across my front torso, yet soft to the skin... the way a certain hardness is taking residence against the small of my back...the way his face is resting on my shoulder...

All I can even manage to do at this moment is breath... in and out... in and out... and a small added prayer in between for me not to do something embarrasing like grind against him.

_Don't give in, Bella! Don't give in..._

"She is not, and was never my fiancee. Hell, she was never really my girlfriend to begin with," he confesses.

And that does it. I swirl around and focus on his face and not the bulge in his jeans.

I swear it.

"What do you mean she's not your girlfriend?"

He sighs and rubs his face with his hands. He's frustrated and wary, while I'm slightly pissed and curious.

"Perhaps we should sit down for this," he says more to himself than to me.

As much as I would like to just stand here keep admiring his bulge...ah face, this is a conversation that needs to happen.

I lead the way to the living room, making sure to take the small reclining chair for myself... there is only so much restrain I possess.

But before he can start, Jasper walks in with Alice in tow. I go to him immediately.

"Rosalie called and said that Anthony was here with you. Why she was thinking to leave you alone with him was okay, I will never understand... But if you want me to leave, that's okay, too."

I latch on to his arm like if my life depends on it and drag him to my chair and sit on his lap with his arms surrounding me. I need him, his support, his loyalty more than ever.

Jasper is the ying to my yang and I know for a fact that he will tell things like he sees them.

It doesn't escape my notice the way that Alice and Anthony stare at us both with jealousy and longing.

But that's just it... they will never understand us, our relationship.

The rope that binds us is so strong that they can't even begin to find any lose threads. We are both at ease with each other and that is something they will have to come to terms with if they want to be in our lives.

Cause Jasper and I...

Are like peanut butter and jelly.


	40. Chapter 40

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight... I own nothing.

A/N: Epic... people... Epic. For those of you who don't know, there is a drabble war going on this weekend. What that means... I'm not sure... all I know is that four amazing authors are posting their drabbles with a lot of chapters in a day. I mean, one of them is done... I think. That means we get awesome stories to read. "Strangers on a Train" by Kitkat681...can you say funny as hell Edward with turtle penis? "Grease Monkey" by texasbella... can you say... well I don't know what to say about that one...only that it reminds me of Stephenie's The Host. There are two other stories by two authors but haven't had the chance to get there yet. Also, Unexpected Circumstances updated... so get your fix. I'll stop rambling now and let you read and review. Thanks.

Selfish 40

The way in which they continue to stare is becoming very uncomfortable.

I'm not stupid, I know that way we look is most... inappropriate...considering that Jasper is dating Alice...

And I desperately want to jump on Anthony and ride him.

Alice's face is becoming more white as time passes while Anthony's is getting purple.

Maybe we should do this in a lower pace...introduce them to our friendship in small intervals.

I get away from Jasper's lap and no sooner am I taking a different seat, I find Alice perched on his lap... scowl still in place.

Whatever... it's not like Jasper and I are gonna have sex...

Oh, wait... we already have.

Is it bad of me to feel smug about that?

It's not like I can brag about it... since Alice was witness to it all.

And I really don't want Anthony to know about that... not because I'm ashamed or want to keep it secret...

But because it's not important... at all...

Even if it was an epic night.

The secret smile that Jasper sends my way, with his obnoxious know it all smirk...

Let's me know that we're thinking about the same thing...

The night that shall not be mentioned.

It is not so secret when Anthony catches it, and demands to know what the hell is going on.

And just because Alice can be a vengeful bitch...

She lets Anthony know.


	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight...I own nothing.

A/N:First, welcome to all the readers from TLS, and welcome back to those of you who continue to stick with me. Now, for the next recommendation... I found a story with an alien Edward that has...wait for it...a tail. Yeah, I was grossed out as hell, but it kind of grows on you. Anyways, it's called "Written In The Stars" by Lissa Bryan... give it a try. Please review and until next time.

Selfish 41

It's a wonder, a miracle really, that he's not running away.

But then again, I'm not running away, either.

He takes everything in with curiosity, like a little boy listening to a bedtime story...undivided attention and eagerness.

Meanwhile, I take everything he says with a grimace.

His real name: Edward Anthony Masen, 29 year old surgeon.

He swears that his last real girlfriend was in high school...

And that the only reason he said Anthony instead of Edward, was because he freaked once he realized I was Carlisle's ex-wife.

That didn't make sense to me, but what do I know about men, other than they constantly think about sex and food.

And Tanya... he wanted to talk to me, get to know me better in ways other than stalking... and since he was supposed to fix my marriage, he figured a double date would have been a good excuse...

Only it ended up backfiring on him when I ended up refusing him, and Tanya ended up latching on to him.

I still think he deserved it.

Now, the whole fiancee thing, was just a figment of Tanya's imagination.

Crazy bitch... but I always knew that.

On some level... I believe him.

But on a much higher one, I don't... simply because Jasper and I saw the footage of them together in Hawaii.

Now... how do I ask about that without sounding like a stalker?


	42. Chapter 42

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things twilight.

A/N: And welcome back to all new and old readers. Some of your reviews make me laugh... so thank you. Now, for the recommendation... I suggest you guys really look in to "Written in the stars" by Lissa Bryan. I know I mentioned it yesterday... but, she updated again and it is a must read. Super freaky story. And if you guys want something a little more human and down to earth, check out "In Your World" by solostintwilight...can anyone say Amishward? I know, right? I think any Edward is just doable, yeah, even aliens with claws and tails. Anywho, don't forget to review... Until next time.

Selfish 42

I once read a line in a very popular book series saying, "You're so small to be hugely irritating."

There are a couple of things that come to mind when I think about that quote...

The three most irritating being: the first spotting during that time of the month, flies, and Alice.

How Jasper finds her endearing is so beyond me.

I find her quite pesky of you ask me.

She interferes in everything.

My marriage...my partying...my divorce...my not so wanted reconciliation...and now with my future.

Can she not understand when enough is enough?

The spotting ends after a week, the flies go away when you try to kill them...

Alice on the other hand, keeps digging herself in a hole... and that hole is looking pretty fucking deep right now.

"Oh, Anthony. You should see all of their equipment. The things they can do and see with the..."

And thank you Jasper for finally shutting her up.

Cause if he didn't, I wasn't above murder.

"The things they can do with what?" he asks, somewhat interested in what she's saying, because other than the fleeting glance he gives her, his eyes have been glued on me.

I feel flattered, important, giddy... and a little turned on.

Come on, who wouldn't be?

A man like Edward Anthony Masen is giving me the... cue the Barry White deep voice... "come hither I want to fuck you" look.

And honestly, my body agrees...

Now if I could just get my brain on board.

"Alice, Darlin', I believe that is our cue to leave. It looks to me like Ms. Bella here has it covered," says Jasper.

Thank you, Jasper. I think I might love you a little more.

While Alice goes to talk with Ant...Edward for a bit, Jasper approaches me.

"You will be alright, Bella," he assures me.

And just like that, all murderous thoughts escape me and I'm filled with all my insecurities...

All the what if's, are a huge fucking magnet for all the sure ways I will mess things up.

Jasper hugs me. Whispering in my ear he says, "There is no wrong that you can do. You've come so far to just stop things in the right now. You have to give the boy a chance... give yourself a chance."

"You sound so philosophical and shit," I whisper conspiratorially.

"Well, now that I've lured the pretty lady in, I've got to get the brain juices flowing to keep her hooked on the goods."

I snort. "Just flash her your junk or a pair of shoes and I'm sure she'll stay hooked."

"Ha, ha. That just sounds expensive. And on that note, we'll take our leave."

He kisses me on my temple and gathers pesky Alice, who I'm not sure I've forgiven yet for anything and leaves.

The sound of the door closing behind echoes in a very foreboding way.

Expectations...

Anticipation...

Excitement...

It doesn't matter at the end of the day.

Because whether Edward and I end up as a couple or not...

Our bodies will be coupling, and coupling, and coupling...

And that, is a guarantee.


	43. Chapter 43

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: I suffer from migraines, and unfortunately, this chapter was very much drug induced written. Hopefully tomorrow I won't be too embarrassed. I don't have any recs for today, so how about you guys give me some. I love everything, but right now I'm looking for stories with a little weirdness to them. Anywho, please review... you're thoughts are addictive to read. Until next time...

Selfish 43

"I need to show you something..." you trail off, looking uncomfortable yet determined.

I follow you without question... I will follow you until you tell me to stop.

What do I expect to see?

A secret room with chains and whips? Maybe not the whips...

Instead I find myself in a room that is so reminiscent of a young teenage girl.

White canopy bed is the center focus of the room, dressed in a white comforter with small purple flowers. The walls are a soft purple with the rest of the furniture following in the same white. The small bookshelf next to the bay window is scarcely filled. Surprisingly enough, there are a few posters on wall.

Boy-band posters.

I stifle the laughter with enough success.

I can't stop looking at the wall... it's mesmerizing...

"Is-who's room is this?" This can't possibly be your room...

When I expect you to laugh along with me, I'm met with silence.

You're embarrassed. I know because your face is extremely red...unnatural.

So red, my eyes water slightly.

"This is me," you whisper. "There is no hiding who I am. This is me."

There is certain tone of finality in your voice and I recognize the effort it takes for you to present your skeletons.

You haven't had a chance to grow, not really. It's almost as if you're stuck inside the 18 year old body of a young girl who thought was a grown up and decided to play house. You haven't had the chance to explore your likes and dislikes.

I want to explore and learn these things with you.

Will you let me?

I look away from The Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, and Guns N' Roses...

You point at an open lap top...there are photos of the disastrous convention where Tanya managed to follow me.

I'm startled to learn that you've been...stalking me?

I'm proud, you're much more cunning than I was...when I tell you this, you are relieved.

So when I explain to you that I have an obligation to these events... I was consumed with thoughts of you, consumed with guilt over lustful thoughts for a friend's wife.

I was weak... weak enough to allow myself to try things out with Tanya...

Biggest mistake of my life.

Now, there is no more Carlisle... no more Tanya...

Just you and me, all smiles and possibly rainbows.

The shift in the atmosphere is electrifying... how is it possibly to feel this tingling sensation in the air?

This is just not real... instances likes this is unheard of.

Without any hesitance on either side...

I begin to unbutton my dress shirt... you do the same...

Eyes locked together... never shifting...

Fingers continue to descend... and then the shirts are gone.

We close the gap, one step closer.

My movement a shadow of yours... another button undone... zippers lowered... pants removed...

Exposed is not the correct word, because neither of us is vulnerable anymore... I have you just as well as you have me... completely.

I know this... when I close the gap...

The bra is gone... panties...boxers... no barriers.

In a move so synchronized our lips meet, no rushing, no pushing...

Just a slow burn that wants to rush into fiery scorch.

Hands exploring, soft caresses with nothing more than fingertips...

The strong urge to claim you is becoming too intense...

My hands have a mind of their own as they lower down your back...gone are soft caresses... here is the groping, slapping, pinching... all the down until they reach your bottom, one cheek in each hand...

Just as I'm about to lift you off your feet and lower you on the bed to claim what is mine...

You force me away...

You take what is yours.


	44. Chapter 44

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/n: This story has been nominated for an award made for Drabble stories in the Most Humor Drabble category. I didn't know the story was funny, so this is making me feel over the moon. Thank you to the reader who nominated the story. I would love to ask that you guys go vote on Nov.17, one day before the movie comes out. In the mean time, please review.

Here is a link to the awards page...http:/shortnsweetawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/p/nominees(dot)html  
>.<p>

44

My fingers are coated...

Thrusting, turning, more thrusting...

In and out, in and out.

I'm trying to get...to that one spot.

It's very warm, very slick.

I've never felt anything like it before...  
>br  I can see you from the corner of my eye squirming with impatience.

"I swear to God that if you don't hurry up I will personally find someone who will."

I've always thought your voice was sexy, but right now, it sounds strangely familiar to that of Elviras'.

"I'm doing the best I can," I growl, getting more upset at my inadequacy.

And like a slap to the face, the moisture is drying up.

"I need more lubrication, damn it!"

"My back hurts and I can't exactly make miracles, now can I?"

I know your question is rhetorical, but I really wish you would be a little bit more accommodating.

"Just get my fingers wet again so I can finish this and move on...my knees are killing me."

Thankfully, you do get them wet and I continue with my search...

Just as I get the feel of my goal and you squeal in excitement...

Jasper walks in through the door as if he owns the place...

You jump off the floor and into his waiting arms.

"Oh, Jasper, he almost had it," you complain in dissapointment.

I'm pissed...as if it's my fault that I've never done this before.

If I knew that girls expected this kind of performance, I would have asked my father for advice when he was alive.

Jasper smirks...fucking bastard...he just loves to gloat in the fact that he's done it before and you never complained.

"It's all about the way you use your fingers, Eddie." His voice is taunting me.

Determination sets in...because after trying to do this for the past two months we've been dating with no results...something's got to give...

And it isn't going to be Jasper this time.


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: It's amazing how many people think the dirtiest things automatically the moment someone says thrusting. But when someone has a mental picture of Edward with wet fingers and the word thrusting in the same paragraph, it gets hard... and there you guys go thinking about hard ons. Or maybe it's just me *shrugs shoulders unapologetically*. Please review before I have a heart attack.

Selfish 45

The funny thing about people, is that you never get to fully know them.

We all keep secrets, whether it is a defense mechanism, or we simply need to keep a part of ourselves... well, secret.

Other times, you just find that people really surprise you constantly.

Take Edward for example.

We've been dating for two months now, and no one can deny that the man is sex on legs.

Edward is just... well, he's fucking beautiful. So beautiful that I sometimes feel insignificant while standing next to him.

He's smart, a professional, good head on his shoulders...between his legs...

I digress.

But what no one knows, and even shocks the brain out of me, especially since Jasper and I kick ass when it comes to surveillance...

Is that Edward is the most clumsiest person in the world.

Emmett would say... Pot, meet the kettle... and he did say that when I told them about it.

But when they saw it first hand, I received condolence from everyone.

Yeah, he's that bad...

So bad that Jasper gave me a pair of red baby booties with a disabled sign on them...cause apparently our kids will have no hope.

And neither his, if the kick in the balls is any indication.

I've never tried to hide who I am, because that would just be a waste of time from the first trip.

But, Edward... yeah, he tried to hide it.

I thought it was weird how he would be extra cautious, so careful when walking... and don't even get me started on him walking from my kitchen to the table with a plate of food.

I could have completed a whole cookbook by the time it took him to walk that distance.

He's embarrassed by his disability... and he should be to be honest.

How the man can be a surgeon, is another mystery in itself.

"I am graceful in the hospital. I become Dr. Masen and the clumsiness disappears."

But as soon as his foot hits the outside of the hospital, all bets are off...

Or, according to my friends, all bets are on... will it be the crack on the floor, the piece of grass that is longer that it's surrounding, or maybe it'll be the invisible ghost pushing him down.

I confess to sometimes betting along with them... I guess I was just so happy to not be the butt of many jokes now.

Edward takes it in stride, or at least he used to until the the whole ringmageddon began.

That was almost two months ago.

I was showing Edward my wedding band, telling him that I kept it to remind myself that even though one part of my life ended, it did not diminish me, and gave me hope to keep going forward... a new beginning of sorts.

How that ring went from my jewelery box and down the sink's pipes in my bathroom is a complete mystery to both Edward and I.

Hence, him lubricating his fingers with vaseline, glue, and an assortment of other fluids so he could save my ring.

Many nights have been spent on both our knees, him with his fingers in a pipe, mine with various liquids while holding a lamp...

Fucking hell.

Who needs a ring that badly?

At first it was fun, and sexy at times, especially when he began to sweat as he bend over... and when his fingers did that thrusting and probing motion... well, I just about came.

Like I said, that was a while ago.

Since Rosalie is my room mate, her and Emmett have become witnesses to his disability, and soon were joined by Jasper and Alice.

They all jibe, but when the jokes start to take on a sexual nature, the fun shifts into something else.

I guess he feels intimidated by my relationship with Jasper, however non-existent it really is.

I miss the easy days where we would just be ourselves, falls and all, and just be together.

Now, we spend all of our nights, him on his knees, me on my back...

My imagining him on his knees doing dirty little things his lubricated fingers on parts of my body...

Him muttering stuff about men being domestic, and something about his father.

I sigh... maybe I should swallow a ring and have him search my body instead...

That could take a while.


	46. Chapter 46

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: Thanks so much for your reviews, even the pervy ones. The gutter is a dangerous place my friends. So moving on now. Don't forget to review. Thanks

Selfish 46

Times flies when you're having fun...

No, not really...

It's more like... times flies when you're fucking all the time.

I guess I have been in such orgasmic bliss that real life has just about continued without me.

I missed a very important school deadline.

You know, the one where you have to choose the classes you want before they fill up.

I got stuck taking some stupid science class.

Science! Seriously, I don't care how many cells a root has.

But still, I'm sailing through with a B... much higher than what I expected anyways.

As far as relationships go...besides our nightly yoga exercises...

Emmett and Alice have come to an agreement of sorts... an agreement that enables them to interact like friends.

Weird if you ask me... cause I know for a fact that pigs will have wings the day Carlisle and I can interact that way.

There is a fine line between being amicable, tolerable, and friendly.

Emmett is funny in a jock kind of way, almost cliché but not overdone. Him and Edward are very close as well with Rosalie.

It doesn't bother me. Even if I've seen the way he appreciates her body...the way we both appreciate it, not that he knows that...yet.

Rosalie continues to be as crass as ever, only thinking about her own orgasms and fake boyfriend when it comes to the family.

The thing about her, is that I can always be sure that she will never change. And if she does, she's a thinker, always making sure her decisions don't affect others.

Not like Alice, who is much more of an act before you think kind of person. Not that it's helped her much. But other than that, we're working on starting something new rather than continue from where we left off.

Yeah, I'm still mad at her. I find that some things are not as easy to forget.

Edward kind of avoids her, since he still feels guilty over our feud.

Jasper... well... he and I are fine, cool actually. It's him and Edward that are amusing to say the least.

It's kind of impossible to spend time with them both at the same time...

They're always trying to get my attention from each other.

Edward, because he's jealous. Jasper, because he likes to push buttons.

Apparently, I'm the prize.

It's all in good fun, even if Alice doesn't think so.

Fuck you very much, Alice.

Whatever, it doesn't take my sleep away... unless it's Edward doing wicked things.

Another thing I have to consider is what it is I want for my future career-wise.

Jasper keeps insisting that we launch our hobby into a legitimate business.

Honestly, it sounds more and more enticing the longer and deeper I get into cellular growth.

I'm scared though, because I'm still not sure how safe it is to run the program Jasper stole.

Even though he assures me that we are safe... I'm just not ready to be someone's bitch.

A female someone's bitch.

I know I like to look at girls... but it's one thing to look, and a very different one to act on it.

Jasper says that I should be fine since I already had a taste of the female kind, meaning Rosalie.

But as long as I don't remember, then it didn't happen.

When Edward eventually found out, he got very excited I might add. He actually agrees with Jasper and Emmett on that one.

Shall we call Carlisle and ask him, too? Will he get turned on, or send me to a convent?

All I know is that...

There is a very basic rule that was probably painted inside the caves by the first cavemen...

No matter how much culture or times change, male bonding always remains the same...

Hang a hotdog, beer, and tits between rivals and they turn best friends.


	47. Chapter 47

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: Sorry for the fail update. My husband took away my Ipad and computer. But today I managed to hide the Mac, and here we are. There will be several updates today so keep your eyes open and fingers reviewing. Thanks.

Selfish 47

Things have been perfect, perhaps a little too perfect.

Although, there is something that has been bothering me lately.

The fact that my relationship with Edward is progressing fast doesn't even make me blink.

What does me me stumble, is the way we are so comfortable with each other.

I should be freaking out... and I am, terribly so.

Somewhere, along my routine...

It happens... at the strangest times.

We wake up... reluctantly.

Shower...hot.

Cook breakfast...together.

Flirt over pieces of food that miss their target...fun.

Go to school...begrudgingly.

Come home...break-neck speed-fast.

Homework...quickly. Stupid research papers.

Cook...cooking channel only because books are prohibited.

Wait for him... eagle eyes look through the window while my hands run up and down the stockings.

Pounce for the quickie... always.

Dinner... maybe.

Sex instead of cleaning... definitely.

Yet, somewhere along the list, when I'm in the bathroom doing my business...

It hits me like a freshly fed Emmett.

I'm right back to where I used to be... kind of.

I'm happy...

And _that_, makes me panic.


	48. Chapter 48

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: LOL... okay, minds out of the gutter. Let's take a breath. Remember, this is the second update for today. So while my hands are glued to the keyboard to write the next chapter, please keep yours glued on your keyboard and continue the reviews. Thanks

selfish 48

Today is different... in a alarming kind of way.

Edward has to go to work and cover for a female doctor who is going on maternity leave.

We haven't been apart since we got together... and I'm literally trying to not freak out, or faint, or vomit.

Did I mention we will be separated for a long period of time?

No? Well, we are and I'm starting to have withdrawal symptoms.

So what is someone to do when your lover is gone, homework is done, and no one to cook for?

I rely on my friends.

After one day, like the best friend that she is, Rosalie ditched me and left on a cruise with Emmett.

Bitch! At least she was honest. "I just can't handle your brooding. You're bringing me down and I just can't stand that. The weather is enough of a downer."

So that leaves me with Jalice...the duo from hell.

I love Jasper.

But ever since Alice became his Edward, she has glued herself to his hip.

I can only take them together in small doses at a time.

Thankfully today she had to work.

The only point in her favor if you ask me.

"How long is his shift?" Jasper asks, licking his popsicle.

I glance away quickly before he catches me staring. "I don't know exactly. He has to work his shift, hers, and he's on-call. The original doctor who was supposed to cover for her had a family emergency. I think he might just stay there for a couple of days."

"Mnhmmmm," he acknowledges.

Lick...lick...moan.

His popsicle must be good... mine just lost it's flavor.

I'm nervous now, and little excited.

Like an idiot, I begin to ramble.

"She's a doctor, right? Couldn't she just work until her water breaks. I mean, she's in the hospital for fuck's sake."

Lick... suck... swallow... hollow cheeks...

Cue the gush... I can't help it!

I look around and thank my lucky stars the park isn't so full today.

Cause the way he's degrading the popsicle is so pornographic and probably illegal.

It doesn't take long for a blond girl with short shorts and too small sport's bra to run by us in super slow motion... tits bouncing hypnotically.

They're nice, but her toned legs are better... could work on her ass a little more.

And because I know that God hates me... Jasper's licking gets more aggressive.

And I groan... loud.

I'm fucking mesmerized, horny...

And not getting any for a while.

Jasper catches on to my dilemma and the fucker laughs.

"Awwwww," he coos. "What's wrong,Bella? Do you have an itch that needs scratching?" he asks, continuing his sinful licks.

My eyes are glued to his lips wrapped around the pop, showing me the way I was positive he likes to be pleasured.

I want to say yes...no... slap him... jump him...stab his balls.

I'm desperate here!

I pounce before I can stop myself and think of the consequences.

"Yes, baby. As long as you continue to do that, you can scratch me anywhere you want."


	49. Chapter 49

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: In the words of Bugs Bunny...That's all Folks... In the words of your faithful author... that's three chapters for today and thank you. For those of you who have an account... or not... over at TWCS, my good friend Helluvabell has written her own first drabble... my baby's wings are spreading *wipes tears*... Anyways... It's called "The Cullen Companion" and it's two chapters in. Please go visit. Now, if you're looking for something to read here, there is a new story by Kitkat681 called "Finally." She takes it a step further and turns it into a story where you can follow either two different endings. Without further ado and dumb ramblings, please read and review... Until next time.

Selfish 49

My hand stops just a few short inches from his junk.

Jasper's laughing stops, as he abruptly throws the popsicle off to the side with a grimace.

Cause it's not every day you hear a male deep voice proposition you.

"Well, don't stop on my account, sugar. You've already got me all hot and bothered."

We both straighten up and glare at the fine, gay specimen before us.

Jasper glares, well, because he obviously isn't into cock.

I glare, because he just saved Jasper from getting punched on his cock...

And I really wanted to do that.

"Oh, come on. The way you were sucking the deliciousness, you seriously have some hidden talent... or hidden closets..." he trails off.

Maybe this guy isn't so bad after all. He's funny and completely freaking out Jasper.

What's a girl to do... introduce herself.

I stick out my hand and smile brightly. "Hi, there. I'm, Bella."

His well manicured hand and bright orange nails meet my hand. "The name is Peter. Nice to meet you, but we both know I want to meet him first."

I take no offense, cause Jasper is hot... it's understandable.

I grip his hand in mine and pull him over to Jasper's side. "This is Jasper. Jasper, Peter."

"I'm not gay," Jasper blurts out.

I giggle. This shit is funny as hell.

"Oh, sugar. But your lips were wrapped..." he wiggles his finger towards the forgotten popsicle "...and you suckled with such technique."

"I'm not gay and I have a girlfriend. I like... love girls, I love tits and ass and pussy... I love pussy, not dudes."

My giggles turn to full out laughter.

"Your loss is going to be one of those things you will regret."

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a business card. He kisses the pink gloss and makes a move to hand it over to Jasper.

"In case you do change your mind, sugar."

Jasper ignores his outstretched hand, so I take hold of it and give my thanks to Peter.

"Such a waste, such a beautiful waste of cock," he murmurs, walking away.

Jasper makes sure to keep his eyes on his retreating form. "What the hell was that?" He gestures wildly towards Peter's small figure.

I laugh, feeling vindicated. "That, my friend, was you getting hit on by a guy. You shouldn't have been eating the popsicle like that."

"Like what? How the hell is someone to eat them then? Should I cut it into small pieces on a plate and use a fucking fork?"

I snort, very lady-like I might add. "You might just want to stick to licking and not giving the popsicle it's own blow job in the future. By the way, that was very hot. Just imagine... you and Peter, Peter and you, different positions..." I sigh, in a total dreamy style.

I get dizzy when he grabs my head and puts it in a head-lock.

With his other hand he grabs both of my arms to prevent any injury.

We're both laughing, neither one giving in.

After what feels like an eternity, and a head full of blood, he releases me and pulls me in for a hug.

"Let's take you to your man."

My man... I like the sound of that.


	50. Chapter 50

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

**A/N:** Sorry for not updating yesterday. I had a terrible 24 hour stomach bug, and the premier was on. I wish I could have gone, but my kids come first. Anywho, I read the story from the beginning and I'm just aware of how much cursing there is. I have to apologize if all the swearing is a bit much, I'm seriously not aware of it. When I write, I get into the mentality of the characters and write exactly what comes to my head with said emotions. And when I edit, I guess I do the same. I am not going to change the words though, because that would change the characters. Also, I'd like to remind you guys that voting for The Short N' Sweet Awards will begin on the 17th. So thanks again to the reader who nominated my story for the Most Humor award. Congratulation to Texasbella, Kitkat681, and beegurl13 for their own nominations. Please be sure to stop by and read their stories... you'll be sorry if you don't. Thank you and until next time...

* * *

><p><strong>Selfish 50<strong>

"You know, Bells, just because we're already in the hospital, doesn't mean you can cause them any injury," Jasper murmurs quietly in my ear.

I pass another nurse and give her a death glare...

When we pass her, I make sure she sees my finger...

Cause the bitch had it coming.

Actually... all of them had it coming.

As soon as we arrived at the hospital and the smell of death and antiseptic reached our noses, our laughter died.

I used to be treated with friendly smiles and greetings of hello.

Now, all I received were glares, whispers to my back...

Because all those bitches are too coward to say anything to my face...

And not one of them are the people I'd thought they were.

I wasn't sure what it was exactly that I did to the hospital staff to cause such upheaval and unfriendliness.

Wait... maybe I do know.

Could it be my divorce?

Or perhaps is my relationship with the hot new doctor.

Maybe both.

We finally reach his private office when I'm suddenly intercepted by his attending nurse.

"Hey, Lauren. Is Edward available or is he with a patient?"

My tone is as friendly as possible, because I can be nice and give her the benefit of the doubt.

Her smile is tentative if not a bit forced.

"Mrs. Cullen, I mean... uhm..."

I don't know how to interpret her red face anymore than Jasper can.

Was that an honest mistake she did, or something sinister?

My God, I said sinister! How very Snow White of me.

"Bella. Just call me Bella," I answer, my friendly reserve slowly slipping.

"Right... Bella."

She continues to stare at me, at Jasper's arm around my shoulders, at random people being nosy.

"So is he available or not?" asks Jasper, slightly irritated.

Jasper is protective of me, so I can only imagine how all this hostility is racking his hairs.

She turns her attention back at him and as she rakes his body from head to toe she responds, "Yeah, he's busy alright."

Well, what the hell is that suppose to mean?

"I'm gay," he blurts out.

I turn to look at him surprised and hold in the chuckles.

His arm tenses around my shoulders and I know we're both thinking about Peter.

Well, wouldn't he love to hear that...

The door behind Lauren opens at the same time she lets out a huge sigh of disappointment.

My legs begin to move towards the door when I'm forced to stop abruptly.

I pay Lauren no attention when she walks back to her desk...

But I do pay attention when she smirks and says in an over friendly tone that Edward isn't busy anymore.

And he surely isn't busy...

Especially when he walks out of his office with Tanya hanging on his arm and both of them look disheveled.


	51. Chapter 51

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Now hold on tight, cause the rainbows are leaving and the shadows are descending... oohh, so philosophical. LOL. Remember, voting starts tomorrow the 17 for the Sweet N' Short Awards. Please swing by and vote for this story under The Best Humor Drabble. One more update after this one... so keep reviewing.

* * *

><p>Selfish 51<p>

What do people expect here? A showdown, and beat down between hot and semi-hot chicks?

Explanations, that's what I want from you. Nothing more, and nothing less.

But not now... right now I'm too mad, I can't be held responsible to my actions.

I walk away, brusquely... I will not be the form of entertainment for these nurses anymore than I already am.

I see the way they lift the phones... must be so goddamn nice to have an excellent intercom system where they can all tell the tales of the doctors and their mistresses.

Jasper tightens his hold on me... thank god, or else I don't know where I would be right now.

The floor? In a jail cell? In the nut house?

All very plausible places.

I can feel you walking behind me, trying to get my attention.

But for what? So you can explain to me why your appearance is unkept... because it was kind of obvious to me, and Lauren, too... who I'm sure is eagerly spreading the new exciting tale.

"Please, it's not what you think, Bella. Please let me talk to you."

Your voice is so desperate, so full of fear.

We reach the elevators but they are busy, and the number of people waiting for them is too many.

Jasper steers me to the stairs, and sure enough you follow.

"Baby please."

No, don't call me that. I must remain strong... my strength is all I have left.

I turn to face you, my face flamed with rage. "Did you fuck her?"

You look aghast and answer no.

"Did you touch her?"

You hesitate to answer, trying to formulate an appropriate response.

"Did you kiss her?" I hate how my voice sounds vulnerable.

"I..."

"She asked if you fucking kissed her!" Jasper demands, his grip on me not loosening.

"Yes." Your voice cracks with the admission.

I stare at you in disbelief.

You kissed her... HER!

"Why would you do that? I thought, I thought we..."

The pain in my chest is so strong that the words get stuck inside.

"She asked," you answer, rushing the words before we stop you. "She wanted to prove that I felt something for her. She asked for one kiss and if I didn't feel anything she would leave us alone. I... Fuck! I'm so fucking sorry, baby. Please believe me when I say that it's you, I want you! I'm a fucking idiot...aaaghhhh!"

Jasper slams your body onto the wall, his arm braced against your neck.

"I will fucking hurt you," Jasper whispers fiercely. "If she doesn't recover from this, I will kill you."

I can't talk... can't breath... there's too much pressure... too much everything.

I think...

I think I'm having a heart attack.


	52. Chapter 52

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: Beegurl13: They must have wanted to give other stories a chance, cause it doesn't make sense to me either. And for the rest of you, thanks so much for your reviews and support. Until next time.

Selfish 52

Dear God,

I haven't prayed in a long time, so I'm hoping you'll remember me. Chances are, you wouldn't have heard from me for while longer if it wasn't for my friend Jasper. He thinks I need help, I think I need sleep. I haven't slept in so long because my brain is so full of nonsense. I'm writing this letter to you because my head isn't safe anymore. Jasper thinks I should write my feelings and thoughts in a journal, but it seemed very childish to write "Dear Diary". I figured, maybe if I write to you instead, you will listen to me.

I think I'm going crazy. Everything hurts and I just don't see how I will ever stop hurting. My friends don't understand me. Get over it, get under someone else, have fun, they say. They don't understand that I physically can't. Do you? Do you understand the kind of pain that is slowly eating me alive? The kind of pain that leaves me so winded that the only position I can manage is by curling into myself on my bed, the floor... anywhere. It is not only mental, but physical, and I don't know which one hurts the most anymore.

All I want to know is why. Are you punishing me for leaving Carlisle and turning into a whore? And I think, that maybe I am not suppose to be happy.

I haven't spoken to Edward in four days. I haven't seen him since that day in the hospital seven days ago. The flowers, the phone calls, the visits haven't stopped. They don't matter anyway. Whether I forgive him or not will not change the fact that he kissed Tanya. How stupid was that, huh? He kissed her because she asked, because she was so desperate that she basically begged for one kiss and then she would leave us alone. What is worse to me, is that he listened to her thinking this would put her off. And now look at us.

I can't see him without crying and feeling these emotions of inadequacy and rejection. He insists the kiss didn't mean anything to him. But why did he have to agree to begin with? I know she must have manipulated him somehow. I hate her. I hate her with everything that is in me. And Edward, I love him... and that makes me hate myself.

Just please, please let me breath, let me forget. I swear on my first born child that I will stop swearing if you would just please make it stop. I just want to sleep.

Thank you... Amen,

Bella

P.S. At least let me have cat. They don't stink like dogs, and love you unconditionally.


	53. Chapter 53

Disclaimer:Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: Happy Breaking Dawn Day! Hope the move was everything you guys hoped for. I'll be seeing it on Sunday, so I'm getting my fixed through reviews, although some of them are downright nasty. Did you guys hear about Kristen being threatened during the London premier by fan? Crazy people! On happy news... voting has started for the short n sweet awards so please go vote for this story under the Best Humor category... please... And on a stressing note, I won't update tomorrow cause my Mac is being serviced by the geeks... let's hope they don't find my rob porn. Until Sunday...

www . shortnsweetawards . blogspot . com (take away the spaces)

Selfish 53

I stay up all day and most nights fiddling with the TV or computer.

If I can't sleep, what is the point to try?

I usually just stare or browse until sleep finally does decide to grace me with its presence.

Tonight it seems, is going to be long.

God, I miss him. I can't stop thinking about him.

Thoughts of him consume me, leave me breathless with desire, wanting, and hatred.

Just when I'm about to cave in and answer his phone calls, I remember the reason why I'm still mad.

How will I ever get over this?

I'm not the type of person to ever forget things.

Look at my dad... he abandoned me 26 years ago and I hate him more as time passes.

The man could come to my door ridden with disease asking for forgiveness and I know for a fact that I would dance on his grave when the time came.

I think I'm turning bitter, no longer being able to hang out with my friends.

Team Rosem are just too insensitive, very self-absorbed. Why can't they understand that I don't want to fuck the next available dick?

Team Jalice is too sensitive, too supportive. Why can't they understand that I don't want to see them 24/7?

I have a mom already and I don't like her... so why are they smothering me like one?

I can't seem to find a balance with any of them.

That is why I stick to what I can control... the TV and the computer.

Reality TV seems to dominate the job that used to belong to actors... not happening, cause I don't need to see someone else being drunk, dreadful, and wonder who is fucking who...

Although, it might make me feel better to see someone else do something stupid when they think it's cool.

_Idiots._

The computer is always the safest choice... although I'm running out of ideas as to what to search for.

I find myself in the weirdest websites...

And I also discovered that I learn more from wikipeida than I do from school...

Which is why I decided that this will be my last semester.

It's a sad concept... I will not be a college graduate.

But I will be able to hold down a conversation with all this net learning I'm doing.

I bet those college kids don't know half the stuff I do.

Like I said, eletronics are my life source at the moment.

It isn't until I clean my apartment on day 14 that I find something unexpected...

Something that very surprisingly makes my heart jump to my throat.

Am I ready to open myself up to new people?

Fuck! Am I ready to even open up my front door?

Jalice and Rosem are too close to the problem.

And no matter how much I google ways to get over heartbreak...

It just doesn't cut it...

I guess the geeks who update the websites don't know about being cheated on.

With trembling hands and too fast heartbeat... I pick up my cell phone... ignore the dozens of messages and dial the unfamiliar number...

_I'm gonna fucking faint, lay on my piss and no one will know..._

"Hello?"


	54. Chapter 54

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: Did you vote yet? No? What are you waiting for?

Selfish 54

Why did I call him again? Oh yeah, I was desperate... desperate and alone.

"I don't get it," he says exasperated.

I sigh, super annoyed. "He kissed her! He kissed her when he was dating me!"

He nods in understanding. "But because he wanted to prove something."

_Fucking Shit! He proved he could kiss his ex while dating someone else... that's what he proved... he has no conscience!_

"The point is he shouldn't have," I explain.

"You're wrong though … actually, you're both wrong."

"How am I wrong here? I didn't do anything like that."

He leans back against my bean bag without a care in the world and gives me the once over.

I can't even begin to explain how miserable I look to him, but I know, when he grimaces.

"You self-destruct," he concludes.

I have the strongest urge to shove a pen under his neon green finger nails.

He notices my stare and the tight grip I have on a pen I didn't know I was holding and he moves his nails to his chest protectively.

"Uh, uh, sugar. Don't even think about attacking this temple. You're the one who called to whine. Now whine you have and now I will tell you like it is. No point in sugar coating things since your friends have done that enough. But before I tell you what I know is the truth, tell me... will the cutie blond be coming over soon?" His expression is so earnest, so child like.

"Peter! I'm the one in need, not your dick."

"Oh, sugar, Randall is always in need."

Eewww.

"But let's talk about you for now. Yes you are both wrong and this is why. You come from a horrible, horrible marriage where you ended up closing yourself up more than you know. You didn't expect to fall so hard and so fast. And even though it was physical, sugar, you never let him in emotionally. You kept him at bay, always thinking something was going to happen. And when it did, you took the easy way out and ran like a coward. You should have jumped that bitch and beat her ass. But now, here you are ignoring the door and stinking your apartment like no one's business. He must have known you were about to jump borders and took any chance he could to keep you in his life. Even if that meant smooching with herpes."

"How is kissing that skank keeping me in his life? They came out looking like they groped each other."

My tone is very accusing.

"Well, she tricked him," he says, like it's obvious. "You women are devious sluts. She presented him with a chance to leave you guys alone. He figured this would show you that he has no feelings for her and it backfired. As for the clothing, you would have to ask him about that, now wouldn't you?"

Argggghhh, he's wrong, he's wrong...

But what if he's right?

"In the mean time, there are pressing matters that need attending," he says, standing up.

I look at him confused, cause I know for a fact, there is nothing more important than this.

"Oh, please tell me you can smell that odor. Honey, you reek. There is no amount of love that will make a man want to even hug you. Now go and shower before I force you."

I stare him down... I. DO. NOT. STINK! I swear he's exaggerating.

"Oh, do you hear that?" He cups his ear and raises it to the side. "It's the sound of a baby bird dying from a lack of clean air."

I throw imaginary daggers as I make my way to the shower.

I do not stink, I do not stink... I just forgot to put on deodorant.

I get in the shower with the water super warm and let it slide down the middle of my back.

I think about all he's said, and I think he might be right.

Did I judge him harshly to protect myself for the future? Did I sabotage myself?

I place my head under the stream and try to massage my scalp when I encounter some paste.

_What the hell?_

I try to rub it off, only to find more white paste all over my body.

There are some dry spots showing some type of white powder.

I pick at it and watch it cake with the humidity.

"What the fuck is this? I can't be this dirty..."

All of a sudden, a white cloud of powder showers down along with the water, covering me completely.

I look around for the source, thinking my roof is about to cave in, when I spy Peter looking over the shower curtain down at me.

"What are you doing!" I scream, covering my tits and pubs.

He rolls his eyes and reminds me that he rather look at an old cock than my perky tits.

"What is this? Did you throw this powder?"

He lifts a small familiar orange box and shakes some more over me.

"Baking soda," he says, matter of fact. "Takes the smell away, and you need all the help you can get."


	55. Chapter 55

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own nothing.

A/N: So, I didn't get to see Breaking Dawn tonight cause the husband decided to get sick, leaving me with 5 kids instead of 4. I am pissed... pissed and hormonal. So I wrote this chapter while glaring at the watch and imagining myself in the theater. Anyways, have you guys voted yet? Yes? Great! To show my appreciation, I am willing to write a full o/s chapter of whatever scene you guys want. So send in your requests and which ever scene gets mentioned the most, I'll do a full shot. If you haven't voted, then what are you waiting for? **www . sweetnshortawards. blogspot . com (Best Humor Drabble) **In the meantime, please check out "Written in the stars" by LissaBryan, or "In your world" by solostintwilight. You can't go wrong with alienward and amishward. Please go vote and review... until next time...

Selfish 55

Let me tell you... baking soda is a girl's best friend.

Fuck diamonds.

Diamonds do not leave your hair shiny and healthy looking.

Diamonds do not remove odors. Peter poured some in a cup and placed it inside the refrigerator, removing the smell that Rosalie's salmon left.

Diamonds can not be poured inside the washing machine to compliment the detergent.

And diamonds can't sure as hell be used to bake cookies.

Like I said, baking soda is a girl's best friend.

And apparently Peters'.

That man carries baking soda inside his man purse.

After he made me shower and scrub clean, he made me clean the apartment while he watched and instructed.

"I called you because I needed advice from someone with an outside perspective. Not to criticize and humiliate me."

"Sugar, I did give you an outside perspective. You just didn't like to hear the truth. And you wouldn't be humiliated, if this place was clean to begin with. Please tell me this place doesn't stink when you bring your man."

I scoff, now more pissed than humiliated. "Of course this place is clean. I just haven't been cleaning since this whole thing started."

"Sugar, you can be depressed without being nasty," he chides.

I feel like throwing the dirty dish on his head, but stop myself because I kind of like him. Plus, that would just be more mess to clean.

Lord forbid Mr. Diva gets any spec of dirt on his temple.

When I finish cleaning the apartment, I can actually see my reflection on different surfaces... not that I couldn't previously, mind you. It's just never been that clear before.

I wait for Peter to finish his inspection and grimace when he tells me that a bum has a cleaner ass.

_If I slap him, will it still be considered a bitch slap?_

The phone ringing distracts me from murderous thoughts.

I don't answer it knowing that it will be Edward on the other end. I'm still not ready to talk to him.

Peter rolls his eyes and sashays his way to the phone, answering it before I can stop him.

"Hello?" His voice sounds deeper and more sultry than usual.

_What is he up to? Is he trying to make Edward jealous?_

"What do you me..." He stops mid sentence. I can see his facial expression changing from one of mischief to one of disbelief.

"Well if you would stop for a second..." His neon green nail starts to tap his thigh.

I can barely make out the voice on the other end and know that it's female. Whoever she is, she sounds mad.

I'm about to ask him to hand over the phone, but stop short when he stands up even taller than I've seen him and juts his hip to the side.

His voice once deep and sultry, drastically changes to high pitch and hysterical.

"Nuh, uh! You listen here, woman! I don't care if your name is Madonna or Kate Middleton. You can shit gold bricks for all I care. What prickles my sensitivity, is you calling here like a scorned woman on menopause. I don't care if you have to call the doctor for your crazy shots, but until you do... you will not, I repeat, you will not be calling back here. My baby girl has me on her corner and I will not hesitate to smack a bitch. If you have any questions, my name is Peter and you can reach me at 555-suck my sparkly peen!"

He hangs up the phone with a flourish and distracts himself by primping his hair in agitation. He's mumbling things about hormones and crazy bitches.

I stare back with my mouth open, my arm mid-air. I close it with a snap and ask who called, even though there are only two woman who could ever get a reaction like that, even from a monk.

"Your mother."


	56. Chapter 56

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: Welcomes new readers and welcome back faithful reviewers. Some of you are mad at Bella... I am, too. Just remember that she's been sheltered in some ways and hasn't had an opportunity to grow up. With that being said... have you guys voted yet? I think there was a problem with the link I provided before, so here is my next attempt. Last day to vote is on Friday. **shortnsweetawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com**. Do not add **www** in the beginning. If anything, you guys will find amazing stories to read. Thanks for sticking with me and until next time...

**Selfish 56**

A baby cradled in a mother's tight embrace...

Soft words of encouragement...

Pride shinning behind glazed eyes...

A warm hug...

Butterfly kisses on cuts and scrapes...

A good night kiss...

A simple I love you.

These are the moments that I grew up thinking I never needed.

What good is it to long for something when even being as a five year old I knew they would never be possible?

There are only so many times that you can hear how worthless and time consuming you are before it finally clicks in.

I was that baby cradled by fifteen year old babysitters.

Soft words of encouragement were replaced by strong words of resentment.

Glazed eyes filled will hatred but mostly indifference followed me everywhere.

Wounds were never tended, they were ignored. "Suck it up, Isabella."

Hugs? Kisses? I love you?

Never heard of that until I entered high school.

Even then... hugs, kisses and I love you's were exchanged for lustful gropes, heavy make-outs and "baby, go down on me...you know I love you, right?"

I never wanted Edward to see me like this, to see how ugly I am... vulnerable.

And maybe this is why I did run at the first chance I got.

It makes it even harder when the wrong set of arms envelop me in a protective embrace.

These are the wrong arms.


	57. Chapter 57

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it. I am kicking out the husband so he can spend time with his family while I have a sleep over with junk food and my girls. We're having a Twilight and Harry Potter Marathon. Be safe and enjoy your happy turkey coma. Until next time...

Selfish 57

What am I doing here?

I can't believe I let Jalice and Rosem - formerly known as the Oxyduo – and Peter convince... no... force me to do this.

I am not ready.

This is a mistake... and I swear... everyone keeps staring at me.

What?

Can't a girl sit in a coffee shop and not order coffee?

I'm sure woman come in here all the time to escape their kids and husbands for a while.

The barista...some young college blond girl...keeps glaring daggers at me.

Oh, what wouldn't I give to be able to lean over the register and slam her head down against it..

"Bella."

There you are...can you hear me sigh?

It's embarrassing the way my body sings when you are near.

And if people weren't staring before... they sure as hell are now.

Especially that damn girl at the register.

"Have you been waiting long?"

Too long, actually, but that's my fault, isn't it?

"I came early," I offer instead.

You stand there all awkward, and I sit here all fidgety.

When did we get weird and uncomfortable... this just won't do.

"Please sit."

"Do you want anything," you offer, always the gentleman.

I think about how nervous I am to drink and decline the offer.

While you go place your order, and trip on the way there...

I examine you.

You look pale, and much thinner.

Have you stopped working out? That's a shame... I enjoyed watching you do that.

The way your muscles would tense, bulge, relax, perspire...dropplets slowly trailing down your naked torso and happy...very happy trail...

A piece of cake appears in my line of sight... chocolate mousse.

"I didn't oder anything," I say, even though I start digging in like the nervous pig I am.

You try to hide your smile of amusement and answer with every bit of sincerity. "I just though that you deserve to have something sweet in your life."

I stop mid-chew, because that is the most romantic thing I've ever been told.

Your answer holds a meaning deeper than a slice of chocolate mousse.

We both know that it will be a long and weird road to get to where we used to be... if that's even still in the cards.

But unless I try, I will never know what could have been...

And that, is not something I want to risk.

I cut a slice and hold it out for you... my peace offering, saliva and all. "You deserve some, too."


	58. Chapter 58

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: Happy turkey day everyone. Keep safe tomorrow for Black friday and stay clear of the "Moms". They are vicious.

Selfish 58

You are so beautiful... did you know?

Your eyes, are the most expressive I've ever seen.

Your mouth, is so provocative... sinful...the way you bite your lip...

Your slim figure is very sensual with just the right amount of curves... curves that you don't think you have.

Have I told you about your legs yet?

They are long, creamy... when they wrap around my waist, they are powerful... they anchor me.

You are beautiful... I'm telling you.

And I'm an idiot... I know.

I messed up what we had... or more precisely, what I feared would end.

Time seemed borrowed... limited.

I'm erratic, impulsive... and fucking clumsy.

You stumble... it's cute, endearing... like a baby colt taking it's first steps.

I stumble... it's embarrassing and laughable... like a giraffe stumbling on it's tiny tail... impossible.

We are so different, yet, so alike...and I messed up.

And yet here you are, offering me a piece of chocolate cake.

Have I told you I hate chocolate?

No? Well, I do...it gives me migraines.

Besides, why have chocolate when the sweetest thing is you?

I won't tell you though... because I can see this gesture for what it really is.

I am groveling... at your mercy.

You are forgiving me, second chances.

You place the fork in my mouth, and I try my hardest not to grimace... not because of the taste, but because I know it will cause me immense pain later on.

But for you...

For you I'd do anything, go through anything.

Because I love you that much.


	59. Chapter 59

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

Selfish 59

**1 month later... late Saturday night, living room floor. **

Rosalie: Takes a bite of her hamburger and chews slowly, savoring the taste. "I can't wait to get pregnant. Then I can eat these kinds of food all the time."

Jasper: Looks at Rose with a bewildered expression... moves closer to Bella. "What does being pregnant have anything to do with it? You eat those kinds of food all the time, and nothing healthy."

Peter: Looks at Rosalie, too. Inches closer to Jasper. "You swallow." He nods his head.

Bella: Chokes on the beer she was swallowing. "I hope you meant food."

Peter: Leans his body towards Jasper and begins to trace images on his jeans. "Of course I did... among other things."

Jasper: Keeps his eyes on Peter's hands. "What kind of other things?"

Rosalie: Finishes her burger as she awaits Peter's answer.

Peter: Opens his outstretched legs a bit, fingers continuing their circuit. "Well, there is only one thing that will keep a person thin like that and it's nutritious..." he trails off, his fingers doing figure eights.

Everyone: Stares at Peter's fingers, enraptured... hypnotized by his sparkly purple nail digging into his yoga pants.

Peter: Smirks knowing he has their attention... especially Jasper's. "Cum," he answers, in his sultry, deep, rich voice.

As if on command, all of them shiver... for different reasons.

Jasper: In disgust... "Woman only, right?" Moves closer to Bella, only to stop when he has no more room.

Bella: In excitement... "Really? Do you have to swallow all the time? How does it work?" Pushes Jasper off her lap and pinches his nipple before moving to his other side, coming between Jasper and Peter.

Rosalie: In ecstasy... "..." Closes her legs and hopes no one can smell her.

Peter: Looks knowingly at Rosalie and winks at her. Turns to answer at Bella but keeps his gaze on Jasper. "Cum has protein, lots of it. It is known that one load of cum, is equivalent to at least six eggs. So yes, it is healthy."

Jasper: Looks away from Peter and focuses on Bella. "Well then, Alice will not go hungry for a while."

Rosalie: Tries to distract herself from her ruined panties and embarrassment at loosing control like that just from a gay man's voice. "Can we get back to Bella."

Jasper: Clears throat. "So tell us why you're taking it slow again. It's not like you guys haven't been doing it already."

Bella: Curses herself for putting her hair in a ponytail, her face now red. "We decided to start from the beginning again, to actually get to know each other emotionally rather than physically."

Everyone remains quiet, skeptical, and begin the silent bet of who will crack first: Edward or Bella.

Rosalie: Takes a chug from her beer and throws her snickers bar to Peter. "It looks like someone will be going hungry."

* * *

><p>AN: And that my friends, is actually true. So if you guys get lost while camping... you know what to do to keep energy. Just make sure you go camping with a cute nerd. And now that your minds are out of the gutter... I want to say thank you to those of you who voted for this story in the short n sweet awards. I really appreciate it. Remember, I'm still doing the full chapter o/s of your choice. Please leave your suggestions in your reviews... Until next time...


	60. Chapter 60

Dislcaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: I finally saw the movie... and I'm a little disappointed, just in bits of it. Here's a word of advice...please take it seriously : Only see the movie with a fan of the franchise... Do not see it with your husbands, boyfriends, or people just to fill the seat next to you. And I'll stop there. We should create a place where we can discuss the movie, people. Let's just say I read the book again with more open eyes and there are some things that don't exactly sit well with me anymore. Anywho... thanks so much for the support and reviews and to those of you who voted for the story in the short n sweet awards. Until next time...

Selfish 60

I think my friends are up to something.

I'm not sure what it is...

But I know for a fact that it has to do with me and Edward.

They stare at us, as if waiting for something to happen...even Peter who has sashayed his way into our group as if he'd always belonged.

I don't know, but it makes me feel fucking antsy...the whispering, the glances.

If I knew what it was they were looking for... I don't know what I would.

My relationship is progressing, slowly...too slow for my taste.

When I said we should take things slow I meant to turn the dial down from porno status to adult second base, not middle school dating.

There is only so much hand holding I can handle before I rape the man.

Seriously! Chaste kisses on the forehead...who does that?

I am so frustrated...I feel like if I'm back in my married phase, only Carlisle would at least attempt to do more at bed time.

He's also started to spend nights with me... spooning! Nothing more!

Nothing...more!

I've started to decrease the layers of clothing I wear...anymore and I'll be left walking with little triangles to cover the essentials...

But then again... maybe I should let those accidently fall off, too.

I walk with a sway of my hips... exaggerating when I bend over to constantly pick up tiny imaginary pieces of trash.

I pinch my lips and gloss them heavily to look suckable...and trust me, my lips and eyes are beacons to his ever-extending crotch.

But he just stares... and stares... and stares.

I've tried everything!

I know he reacts, cause I feel it when I straddle him, I see it from across the room... but then he stops and wants to talk about my feelings.

Here's what I'm feeling...

Horny!

Very fucking horny.

The worst part is knowing that our friends know what I'm doing.

Some discourage it... like Rosalie who tells me to have some dignity.

Others encourage it... like Peter.

"Starve yourself," Peter says. "Then when you get anorexic, we'll have the cum conversation and he'll be feel so guilty about your condition that he'll feed you... You'll be cocksified!"

I'm starting to seriously considered it.

"Some men need to be handled by the balls! I know I would," he says exasperated.

"Peter." I sigh dramatically. "You grab anything with balls. And his are not up for discussion."

Cause if anyone's touching...sucking...fondling...massaging...biting them...

It will be me...

Tonight.


	61. Chapter 61

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: And the updates continue... so keep your eyes open...

Selfish 61

**Day 1**

Short little black dress... check.

Lacy and super ruffled thong...check.

Already fucked hair and sultry makeup...check.

Decadent meal warm and ready to be served... check.

Lights dimmed low...check.

Kenny G. notes drifting in the background...check.

Results: Total. Epic. FAIL!

Who knew a girl could come on to a guy too strong?

Edward-fucking-giggles... that's who.


	62. Chapter 62

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

Selfish 62

**Day Two**

Too, strong? Bullshit!

He couldn't fucking stop giggling... at everything!

So, I think to myself...

Guys don't want to be dominated...out-shown.

So now, not only do I have to stroke his libido...

I also have to stroke his ego.

After careful consideration and observation of the male species...meaning Emmett...

I decided to do a sports theme seduction.

I've seen the way the guys pretend to eat while drooling on the cheerleaders instead...

I get it, I really do... they're kind of hot... in a "I can't stop cheering while I fuck your boyfriend" kind of way.

So Rosalie and I invited everyone for the game...

And we both dressed up like cheerleaders.

"Camaraderie," she says.

_More like stealing my thunder_... How the fuck does someone compete with a body like hers?

We ready ourselves with a platter of food on each hand...but not before we primped each other.

We walk out once we hear the first strings of half-time show.

As if the world is put on pause... the guys stop all movements and stare.

We continue to move, not giving them a second glance, yet feeling the stares of their eyes on our bodies.

Edward, Emmett, and Jasper stare in lust, giving each of us a slow scan from head to toe.

Alice glares from besides Jasper and her attempts to garner his attention go unnoticed.

_Go huff and puff somewhere else, oompa loompa_.

Peter stares in amusement, even though I can also feel his gaze on my ass.

I jiggle it for his benefit, cause his ass will never be as perky as mine.

Edward notices and his eyes darken, nostrils flare, chest rises and falls in fast rhythm.

At the same time, all four guys lean forward with their arms on their legs.

The mood in the small apartment starts to become dangerous...

For a second, I look for all escape routes...and so does Rosalie, although she stares more at her bedroom door.

Because I draw the line on orgies.

And because my name is fucking Bella Swan...

God decided to wake up and say... "Let the game begin..." and we loose their focus to the TV.

Rosalie huffs and glares. "You're bad luck, Bella. This never failed before."

_Whatever, Rose._.. my head's already thinking of phase three.

Day two: Fail


	63. Chapter 63

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: Another update? I think it's gonna rain!

**Selfish 63**

I...

I am at a loss for words.

Can you say devastated?

Nothing worked.

Days, nights, schemes, plotting... all a waste.

I stopped caring the day he walked in and found me sprawled on my bed naked.

His reaction... a sigh, shake of his head, and him walking out.

He didn't even get hard.

I stopped all contact... the phone calls, e-mails, text messages.

I stopped taking advice from everyone, since they all had to have their say and ideas.

They have a bet, and I found out through Alice.

Didn't expect that one, so I can't hate her anymore.

One week of isolation, citing school work... and I pretend to be okay.

Do they buy the act?

I don't care.

They constantly ask me if I'm okay.

I don't need their pity so I brush them off.

I think they get the point now.

I decided to go back to old Bella Swan, the one who never initiates anything.

Old Bella is safe and secure.

If you are lucky enough...

Old Bella might even find the courage to prepare something that's not in the cook book.

Gasp!

At least that Bella, won't be getting ridiculed anymore.


	64. Chapter 64

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: Thanks for reviewing...until next time...

Selfish 64

I can't say that things changed for the better...

They just... were.

After my week from exile, and coming to terms with my recycled persona...

I was finally able to see him again.

I admit that I was embarrassed and very much feeling guilty during the whole visit.

He was on alert the whole time...

As if he was going to be attacked at any moment...

By me.

With the way I had been acting, I would say that assumption wouldn't have been too bizarre.

I apologized for my behavior many times, even though he kept telling me it wasn't necessary.

Then I felt angry.

Why should I apologize for trying to get laid?

Of course, had I talked to Jasper and Peter first, then I guess Edward's behavior wouldn't have been so shocking.

"What the do you mean you both warned him not to have sex with me? What kind of friends do that? What the fuck!"

My tirade lasted a while with both males cowering behind each other...as they should, cause their balls were numbered.

"You guys are supposed to be like brothers to me."

After several bruises, possible sprains, and very fatigued muscles...I was able to calm down long enough to listen to their bullshit.

"We knew you were going to react this way..."

"Oh really? Right, cause anyone would react differently had they learned that they were being cockblocked by a prick and a queer!"

…...

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say that... fuck I'm so sorry!"

Jasper's face spruced red while Peter merely raised his eyebrow and pointed his blue nail at me.

"I wasn't lying when I told your mother that I wouldn't hesitate to beat a bitch. I'll let it pass this time, only because you're too stupid to let hormones rule your body. But do not ever...ever call Jasper and I names those names again."

I lowered my eyes in shame. I had never felt so little in my life before...not even when being rejected by my mother.

"Bella," said Jasper in a gentle tone, even though his eyes were hard. "We warned Edward that you might react this way. You shut yourself down emotionally so much, not wanting to put yourself in any situation where you can be hurt. Now, we know that you've been opening up with Edward, and that's great. But we also knew that you would start freaking out and would try to distract any progress with physical pleasure."

That is so not true! I just wanted to get laid! I would have continued our talks...eventually...I think...

Deny! Deny! Deny!

Just when I'm about to do just that, a sharp sting on my wrist stopped the words from spilling out.

Putting rubber bands on my wrist was a common thing for me to do. I always seem to need one at random times so I started wearing them for convenience.

Having the rubber cause physical pain had not been one of its purpose.

Peter kept his hand on my wrist and said, "Don't deny it, Bella. We can see right through you and we knew you would attack him sooner or later. That's why we encouraged him to talk to you about your feelings. Then if he felt you still continued to open up, then go ahead and bone you."

But he never did, did he?

Could it have been that I never gave Edward a chance?

How bad was I in Edward's eyes for him not to ravage me?

"I have to say though," interjects Jasper. "It was pretty amusing to watch you try to seduce a guy who was already fighting down his hard on from taking over."

"Mmmhm. Tell me about it. That boy did everything but scratch his balls so he wouldn't take you. What a shame...I would have loveeeeed to see that."

Jasper's face showed repulsion, and Peter's showed longing... while mine...

Showed determination.

My mind was already set in different ways in which to make it up to Edward.

Now that I knew that he wanted me just as much as I wanted him...

There would be no Jalice, Rosem, or Peter to stop us.


	65. Chapter 65

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: I'm going through some personal problems that will most definitely change my life. Because of that, updates will suffer, I'm not sure how much, depends if I'm on the right set of mind. The last thing I want is for the story to suffer just because I'm depressed. But, i just want to take a moment to let you guys know that you've allowed me to grow as a writer, and I am very grateful for the reviews and support you've given me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have an outlet like this to rely on. So thank you. Until next time.

Selfish 65

We're meeting at a coffee shop again.

It seems that a neutral place is the best considering I've been attacking him.

How much damage could I do in a public place like this?

Not much... I hope, cause I still haven't ruled out voyeurism.

This time is different though.

We're not here for a reconciliation, or because it's too awkward to be alone in my apartment.

We're here because this is a date.

I'm excited as hell... this is a new beginning of sorts.

When you walk in it's like the Heavens opened up the sky in dreary Seattle and graced it's beautiful light on you.

A spotlight of sunshine follows you as you walk to my little corner.

It seems I'm not the only one to notice... although they're not exactly staring at you per se...

They're more like eye-fucking you.

I'm in a good mood, so I don't let it bother me... too much.

In fact, I gloat in the fact that you are here to see me, not them... me.

When you reach my table, you stand before me in all your handsome glory, not saying anything at all.

I can see your eyes darken considerably and very fast.

I'm kind of shocked, cause I'm not wearing anything worthy to get that type of reaction.

I glance at my self to take stock of what I'm wearing... just to make sure my bra hasn't slipped or my panties are showing.

My dress is still in place, no toilet paper sticking at the bottom of my low heel...

Maybe I smell?

Something must be wrong... you still haven't said a word.

"Excuse me, Sir," interrupts the young girl from the register... same one that can't get her stupid eyes from roaming your ass. "Is this girl bothering you?" she asks, nodding towards me.

_What the fuck? How does that work? He's the one leaning over my table..._

"She's not bothering me," you respond, eyes not straying from my body.

_Do you mind?_ I want to say... but the words get stuck in my throat when I catch sight of your tongue passing over your bottom lip.

It's so pink, and glossy, and so... so... long...

"Bella." My name is no louder than a whisper among the already quiet space.

Without another word I stand from my seat and take your outstretched hand.

I don't have to look behind me to know that the girl is still standing by our table, or that every single eye in the establishment is trained on us.

And I definitely don't have to see behind me to know that you- the man I love- is desperate to feel his skin against mine.

As we wait for the light to turn green so we can cross the street...

The strong planes and ridges of your body, and the hardness pressing on the small of my back...

Tell me that this date, will continue within the confines of my bedroom...

Or the wall...

Maybe the floor...

Definitely the in the shower...

Hell, I'll be surprised if we even reach my car before we tear at each other's clothes.


	66. Chapter 66

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: So, uhm... I kind wrote this chapter in a trance... and didn't realize it until I did the editing. I decided to leave it as it is and let the chips fall where they may... or what ever. Also, thanks for the well wishes... they actually made me feel better. And lastly, you guys know my love for the weird... and I found the next one. This is a dribble, not a drabble. It's an in-between a drabble and regular chapters... and it has a real caveward. It's called "Transcendence" by Savage7289, same author of Unexpected Circumstances. Bella has somehow managed to travel through time and meet Ehd, the caveman. Story is from his point of view, so it's funny the way he describes his new mate making noises. Thanks so much for the reviews and until next time...

Selfish 66

We make it to my truck... just barely.

And for the first time ever, I'm glad that the Beast was replaced.

Nessie, my midnight blue Escalade truck, is so high up the ground, that only someone really tall can see inside without problems.

Even then, my windows have Limo Tint... add the late night hour, and I'd say it is just about perfect.

Again, I'm thankful for my aversion towards small cars... how can anyone drive without being able to see at least two cars over... it's suicide.

As you shove me towards the back seat, my thoughts of love towards Nessie stop, and shift towards my love of your cock.

Oh, how I've missed it...

There is no slowness, fumbling, hesitation, on either part.

It's so much like our first time that it kind of hurts to think of all the lost time.

We don't bother to undress each other either, that would too much time.

And because I need you now, I only lift my dress over my hips and shift the underwear to the side.

My ass is sticking out, my body leaning over the back seats with my legs bent and spread.

I hear the zipper lowered down... and then...

I let out a cry of ecstasy.

You groan and curse... thrust in... pull out... thrust in... pull out...

My fingers hurt... there is no good place to hold on to...

I can't get enough, and neither can my body when it begins to thrust against your body.

I can feel the biting of the zipper against my inner thigh... it stings in a very bad and good way.

Should I wear a short shorts next time so that the marks will be visible?

God! Why not?

Maybe then the coffee slut kid will realize that she can't take the fucking a grown man such as your self is capable of.

One hand on my hip... the other wrapped around my hair in a fist...

My head is pulled back to the side... and your mouth is on my neck... marking me.

It's too much and not enough...

I pull down the front of my dress and begin to pinch my own nipples.

Hard pull... rub in circles... pinch... thrust hips erratically.

What are you doing to me?

I look at you and release my nipple to bring your head over mine.

The kiss is not romantic and sweet... it's sloppy, wet, all over the place... I think you kissed my nose.

I don't care... I need more... I crave it.

When your eyes see my hand teasing my breast, I feel my hair being released and almost instantly, a shock of pleasure hits me in my core.

I can feel the the wetness seeping down my legs and staining the leather.

If I could, I would lean over and lick it so I could taste both of our essence.

And because you and I are on the same horny length waves, the finger on my clit trails down my leg and stops when it feels the fluid.

Instead of wiping or licking it... your hand begins to massage it all over my things and pussy... your hand is possessed.

The smell in the enclosed cab becomes pungent.

It makes you go crazy with your thrusts and sounds you emit.

For some reason, it also makes you believe that I'm some type of contortionist...which I kind of am according to Jasper.

You lift my right leg and manage to throw it over the top of the seats.

I'm completely open, and you're completely possessed.

Until now, I had completely forgotten we are inside Nessie... until there is a tap on the window.

I can see that it's the coffee slut trying to see inside... I can see her, but she can't see me.

You are so lost in your pleasure that you don't notice when I press the button for the window and lower it down just enough for her to get a glimpse of our heads...

And the little steam leaving the cab.

The cold air hitting our sweating flesh, along with the fact that I know the bitch is watching me get plowed by the hottest guy ever... sends me over the edge...

I arch... constrict... gush... your growl... you still... and you curse on the crevice of my neck.

After making sure that you didn't have a heart attack...

I turn to the stunned, wide-eyed coffee slut kid and say, "He's not bothering me, either."


	67. Chapter 67

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things twilight.

A/N: Story is beginning its ending. Just a few more chapters. Would you like to see a special part? Like a proposal or kids...or something different? By the way, please show some love to "Transcendence" by Savage7289. Her caveward is funny. Remember Lissa Bryan author of "Written in the Stars." Well, she just finished that and is beginning her next story. Bella has powers and Edward is sent to protect her. I think he would be called Angelward... a naked Angelward. Story is called, "The Better Angels of our Nature." Check it out. Until next time.

Selfish 67

I sit and ponder what to write on the paper.

It's important... I know.

The words flow through my mind like a river during it's highest peak.

But when I try to write them down... my hands refuse to cooperate.

That, and the fact that I haven't written on paper for so long, it's like I've forgotten how to, thank you very much technology.

This is so childish... so ...so stupid!

Why do I have to write that woman a letter?

Why am I the one that always has to reach out whenever she 's the one that causes the rift to begin with?

It will help you move on they say... all of them, including Edward.

"I love you. I need you here with me completely, and for that to happen, you have to let her go."

He loves me... and I fucking love him...We made love... again... and again... and again... and... yeah.

Sorry, God. I promised to lessen my cursing.

What do I write?

Fuc...Fudge!...

Renee, Renee...go away... Please never come back another day...

I decide to use our little hobby to keep track of her.

No one can be too careful when it comes to her.

She's still in Florida, living the social life of a pariah.

Still, I have to cut the umbilical cord like Emmett so nicely put it.

Or let her know she can fuck off like Rosalie encourages.

Instead, I decide to use my Dragon Dictation and just say the words as they come... no more pen fumbling... no more excuses.

Renee,

I can't believe that every day and every night, is getting better with you out of my life. It's like I flicked a switch and now I'm feeling good. There is no way to stop it. Now, you might wish that you could come back. To who? No one is there to listen, or care. When the weekend comes I know I feel alive, I feel loved. You won't be on my mind, not anymore...not ever. No regrets, do you know what that means? I've taken back what you once stole from me...my will. I'd say have a good life, but I can't even pretend to lie. I'd also say I love you, but I don't want to choke. What I will say is good riddance. Finally.

Isabella


	68. Chapter 68

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: Can you feel the end is near?

Selfish 68

It's been a while since I finally let go of Renee.

Just because I dictated the letter and printed it, doesn't mean I mailed it in right away.

In fact, I had a breakdown.

It wasn't until Jasper and Peter pried the letter from inside my underwear that they finally mailed it in.

Edward wasn't too happy about that... or Alice... or me.

Let's just say that the guys were lucky it was Peter's hands the ones that grabbed that envelope.

For everyone's sake.

Unfortunately, I can't say that all my friends are completely happy.

Jasper and Alice did not survive that incident and called it quits.

It was hard...very sad.

We all tried to comfort Jasper, because he genuinely loved Alice.

They were just too different for things to work.

He's more laid back now that time has passed... all thanks to Peter.

Those two have bonded and become each other's wingman of sorts.

It's really fudging weird.

Rosem on the other hand are going strong.

Rose has finally taken a page from my letter and with no nice words has told her family that she is who she is and will date whoever the hell she wants to date. She never wants to marry and if they want her to be happy, they will have to get used to her living in sin with Emmett.

Let's just say Emmett was over the moon, after all, he does have a sour taste left from Alice.

I was happy for them... until I realized she was essentially kicking me out of our apartment.

I must say thought, that living in sin with Edward has its perks... like instant access...no time constrictions...and several inspiring uses of random places and furniture.

So... I'm happy... unbelievably so.

Renee is gone... no more stick eyes from Alice... Peter and Jasper are getting along great... Edward and I are living together and surviving our first year together...

I can't say that things can get better than this.


	69. Chapter 69

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things twilight.

A/N: Oh 69's... with Edward... and Jasper... and maybe Peter while he talks... but not Emmett, cause I know he would gag me. Too much TMI? Didn't think so... Please review...

Selfish 69

It's surprisingly funny to see people cope with strange weather... like the new heat wave that has hit Seattle.

I love the heat... although, I rather drink water rather than inhale it.

And Edward loves it too... considering the fewer layers of clothing there are to remove.

Even doing yoga in pants is uncomfortable, so I'm down to my undies most of the time.

Lord knows I have yet to finish a full routine before my face is pressed against the floor and my ass is in the air being assaulted.

My favorite moments are these... the ones where we are completely naked and about to surrender completely to pleasure.

Our friends know better than to come visit before dialing... a lesson learned for them, and the reassurance for us that we don't have to worry about being interrupted.

Having you sprawled on the floor before me... naked...vulnerable... so exposed...

Is the greatest pleasure I can receive.

You are in my hands... I will take care of you.

Just like I know that as soon as you come into my mouth, you will take care of me.

I'm addicted to you... your smell... your taste... your essence... your everything.

The way you tense when I lick you from base to head...

The way you curse when I blow cool air after taking you in my mouth...

The way your toes curl when I drive you all the way in my mouth and swallow around you...

I catch everything there is to see... everything there is to know.

But tonight, before I can finally bring you the release you need, you shock me.

"Marry me," you murmur, strain evident in your voice.

I know I'm hearing things, because there is no way I heard that while I'm giving you fabulous head.

"Marry me," you repeat. Your voice is more steady... more sure.

The curtain is pulled... along with the haze of lust... and I'm left naked on my knees and uncomfortable.

"Did you just propose while I'm giving you head?"

You sit up and make me straddle you.

My exits are marked, and the paths are noted...

You tighten your arms around me.

"Marry me. I will never want another. You have ruined me. I love you with everything there is and everything there is yet to exist. I want you in my life because you are the first person I think of when I open my eyes. You are the first person I see. You are the last I think of and the last I breath and feel. I am so in love with you. There will never another. I will care for you...protect you. I want to live the rest of my life knowing that it is you I will come home to. I want every experience, and every memory. Plus, I would really love to put a baby in you. Please say you'll marry me."

I don't know if it's your tears or mine, or the way that your cock naturally finds it's way inside of me without us even trying...

I don't know what it is about this situation that screams _This is right_... even the baby thing.

It shouldn't, because what kind of girl wants to get proposed to while shoving a cock down her throat?

What kind of girl would want to remarry after a failed marriage... shouldn't I know better than to fall in that life-sucking death trap again?

The thing is... I do know better. I know that no matter how much my life sucked before... I am different now.

The man under...inside me... is different.

I love you... the right way ...this is right.

"Yes."


	70. Chapter 70

****Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: This is it. The end is here. Before you read, I would like to thank everyone... from the constant reviewer who I heard from in every chapter, to the ones who remained silent. This story would not have been what it is had it not been for you guys. I've grown as an author and as a person because whether we'd like to admit it or not, a little of our personal lives always seeps into the story. You will hear from me soon, because writing is very addicting... but I would love to hear from you guys again. I came in with an idea and I'm leaving with a new found confidence and friends. Please leave me one last review... one last thought for our lovely couple Bella and Edward. And as I always say, and hopefully will continue after all this is done... Until next time...

Selfish 70

Gossip spreads like fire and herpes.

Especially in a place that has so many phone lines like the hospital.

It wasn't long before Carlisle knew of our engagement... or Tanya.

Where one was happy for us... the other didn't stop to let us know what a big mistake we were making.

Can't say I was a little hurt Carlisle turned out to be such an asshole... since you know, he was the first to move on with the blond slut nurse.

Tanya on the other hand, was a complete doll.

Well, I thought she was a doll... after she profusely apologized.

Apparently she found God... or so she says.

Edward hasn't exactly began to trust her... and neither have I.

Doesn't mean I can't be friendly either.

If I can forgive Alice for fucking my technically still husband, then I can forgive Tanya for kissing my boyfriend.

I sound like slut.

As for the rest of staff, can't say I care for them.

Good thing is, Lauren was moved to another department and now Edward's assistant is a lovely old nurse by the name of Angela.

Good riddance: Renee, Alice, Carlisle, Lauren. Good year...

Our wedding will not be a big production, since it's obviously going to be our close friends and family.

I will have my friends, and Edward will have his family present.

As for my professional life... all I can say is that I didn't exactly plan for it to turn out the way it did.

I had planned to be a successful author, or business person... or even a librarian.

What I didn't expect, was to open a business where all we did was spy on people.

With Jasper's awesome skills at zoning in the cameras, my awesome patient skills at staring at people and observing the details... and Peter's excellent marketing skills... we opened a very successful business.

_Eyes On You_... has its eyes on everything and everyone... from cheating spouses... to dirty politicians.

We've even done some silent work for cops and government.

Very hush, hush.

Jasper still keeps an eye on Alice, although not as often.

But he also keeps checking on Renee and Carlisle, too.

I guess you can say he's the keeper of our sanity, making sure non of those crazies invade our lives again.

As love continues to bloom between us and between Rosem...

It has also begun to spread with my two male friends.

Can't say that I am that surprised...

Jasper did show amazing sucking skills...and Peter is very persuasive... his voice alone...

I digress.

So Jasper and Peter have done something... don't know... they won't confirm.

But their closeness and familiarity... and the fact that Grandma Station has been slowly transforming into Throw-up Disco might be a big clue.

I never would have thought that porcelain kittens next to a lava lamp on a fireplace mantel would match up at all.

But it works in a very _them_ kind of way.

All I can say now is that... I'm happy. It is okay to be selfish now and then. Had I not been, I would still be cooking, cleaning, and waiting for a husband that I didn't love anymore to come home and play house. Where I once was living by the day, I am now breathing... so fucking (sorry baby Jesus) happy. I have the man I love in my life holding my hand and guiding me. I have the best friends one can hope for to call my bullshit ( I'm still sorry) and give me that shove when I push back. I have learned to let go of all that is poison to my soul. I will mess up one day, I am only human. I want to learn from them to better myself and essentially keep moving forward... because that is all one can do.

Keep moving forward... keep being happy... keep breathing...

All because one day... I decided to be just a little _Selfish._

The End...


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